Over the past weekend I went on a camp with my cell group (Bible Study group) and I came to the realization that I am slowly burning out. I’m always busy and trying to help someone , always running around trying to save the world, as if it would fall apart without me. But over the weekend I could feel God telling me it is time to take a few months, chill out, find the balance, be a little selfish and take time to focus on myself. It’s time for that internal reflection and a bit of ‘me’ time in His Presence. I was also told that by Mona and a few other friends who know me really well.
I keep getting this picture of being in Mozambique, by the waters, just chilling out in God’s amazing presence. And somehow Mozambique has come up a lot. So I am in the process of organising to stay there for a month with a friend, while I take in new scenery, new people and get away from all I know. So I am very excited.
On the note of taking it chilled and some time out, to reflect deeper in myself, our Easter holidays at varsity has started today. And basically my week became super chilled on Tuesday already. I got some time to see and hang out with Heinrich, who was here from Bloemfontein, with his mom and sister who had to be at the hospital. We went to Menlyn Mall, and had supper there. It was so good to chill and get out, doing a little catch up with a special friend and not have to rush off anywhere or whatever. I just loved the evening, and was told by him Mozambique would be a good idea, but I shouldn’t work while I’m there. I should just chill out. Anyway, it left me feeling extremely happy the next day. That I really am blessed with amazing people in my life. It was the first chill out, catch up session that I could just be…enjoy it without having to solve problems or it being completely about church or my studies, something I haven’t had in ages.
Then, yesterday, one of my really good spiritual brothers, sent me a message, saying we need to go for coffee. I was out of my skin, with excitement!!!! Jean had returned from being in Thailand for a year, two weeks ago – so I’m sure you could understand why I was excited. In that, I must add, God’s timing is perfect!!!! I soooo needed a coffee date with him, although I need to chill out, his conversations are often very spiritual, but soooo very chilled. And God really speaks to him, so when he asks me questions, it usually is what I’m thinking and asking God deep within me, and usually stuff God wants to bring up. But it isn’t all spiritual talk, it was chilled conversation too with lots of laughter. When I’m with him, I usually just am chilled. It’s like my spirit and soul just chill out and feel at home. Although he has done stuff in the past that I don’t agree with, since the first time I got to know him, we have had an incredible spiritual connection and he truly is a crazy cool spiritual brother to have.
He came to pick me up last night, and probably got the biggest hug ever when I saw him!!!! I actually feel tears when I think back to last night, I’m just in such a calm, happy place because of seeing him. When I got into the car, after a few minutes of driving, he said to me, ‘God really loves you a lot, you know that?’ I thanked him but then he went on, ‘no, really, I can literally feel it. Being in your presence, in this car, I can feel how much God loves you.’ He was the second person in a matter of two days who had said this to me. When we got out the car, at the restaurant, he called me a name, someone else usually calls me – the same person, who had said the same thing about God loving me earlier that week. It was super weird, but I was loving it. It was good to connect with someone who understands and knows you so well, that it almost feels like they haven’t been gone for a year in a place halfway around the world! Later on in the evening, at the table, he was sitting smiling and smoking his cigarette, and I asked him what he was thinking, since he had such a huge grin on his face. His reply was just, ‘nah, it’s just this. This is really nice.’ I didn’t understand what he meant, so between my smile and frown he explained ‘In Thailand I was alert to the Holy Spirit and constantly tuned in, but I was tuned in to Spiritual Warfare and always ready to pick up on something that was wrong. But now, being in your presence and feeling how much God loves you. It is just awesome, to be picking up what is right and beautiful. I’ve missed this. Being able to chill with another person in the body of Christ.’ Anyway, so the rest of the night we discussed really serious topics and some really light ones, laughed a lot and also just chilled out.
So by the end of the night, my spirit and soul felt super mellow and happy! And this morning I still feel that. I feel so calm and mellow, and so incredibly happy. A feeling I haven’t felt since beginning February, where even there, I only felt it once or twice between utter chaos. So I’m loving every moment of this feeling and can’t wait for the rest of this time of reflection. My parents arrive today, then it’s a weekend on the farm in Potch, then a chilled week and for Easter I have the options of chilling out in Pretoria, or going to our farm in the Karoo or going to Onrus, in the Western Cape. So this really is a hopeful awesome time. And God is just blessing me so much and showering me with immense amounts of love. I truly feel blessed and am so thankful!!
Dancing In The Wind 