What is this ‘happily ever after?’

Every day of our lives, especially in mine, since I can remember, the world has painted this crazy picture of a ‘happily ever after.’ Every story ever seen or read since I was a little girl, has been about some ‘Prince Charming’ saving a princess, they fall in love, get married and end up living that ‘happily ever after.’

As a little girl I was always in two minds about this idea and my parents can vouch for the long time that I went through a perspective of, “I’m never getting married or even having kids…instead, I’m going to become a nun.” You can laugh and giggle but I truly felt that way. Later I fell into the other extreme of ‘serial dating.’ What I’m trying to say is not that there is something wrong with ‘happily ever after’ but that we must realise what pressures can also come with painting that kind of picture. I am not saying that that can’t be true and that we’re setting people up for some huge disappointment, because that isn’t true either. It is just that there is so much more to the whole dating picture and then marriage after that.

I was a serial dater until I realised how much I kept giving away, how much it was taking away from me and someone else’s possible future partner. I also just started seeing things differently as I got closer in my relationship with God and saw the way He loved and pursued me, and continues to do every day.

You might be thinking there is no way you have given into this idea in any possible way, but somewhere along the line, this idea of a ‘happily ever after’ does creep into your heart and thoughts, affecting them whether you choose to admit it or not.

I realised this before, during and after my serial dating and had to come to a decision. Because of it, I chose not to date again until I was absolutely sure about the guy and that we had been friends and so on. Even now, while dating,  I have to constantly keep myself in check, so that I don’t let this idea of a ‘happily ever after’ become damaging to me, the other person or our relationship as it can cause unnecessary pressures and expectations that aren’t entirely realistic and based on God’s grace and truth.

The day I said ‘yes’ to dating, was also because I believed that is whom I would marry. But for most people this isn’t always the case and dating isn’t taken as seriously as it should be. You cannot constantly date people and throw them away at the first signs of trouble or when you get bored. This creates a false expectation in marriage, and proposes the idea, that if a marriage isn’t working for you, you don’t have to worry, you can quickly get divorced and start your search for the ‘PERFECT ONE’ again.  Hey, I mean – ‘there’s plenty of fish in the sea’ right?!

Dating isn’t a Biblical principle, so I really think that when you do choose to date someone, you need to take that decision very seriously, just as you would with marriage.

Anyway, these big decisions and the idea of a ‘happily ever after’ can put a great deal of pressure on us and we can be made to feel a bit doubtful. Although you say ‘yes’ to dating and even though you may know deep down this is the person you’re going to marry, you too may have doubts or have moments of doubts as they are big steps and very serious times.

In the perspective of the world and what it tells us, the person we marry(or date) is the one who makes YOU happy. He/she is perfect for YOU. The proposal is perfect for YOU. The ring and the wedding is perfect for YOU. The honeymoon is perfect for YOU and the ‘happily ever after’ is perfect for YOU. It is all about YOU, YOU, YOU and YOU!

But honestly, that is what the world says and NOT what the Word says. In the Word it speaks of the covenant of marriage being about God. The journey of navigating through a lifetime of promise like this has everything to do with Jesus. It is about ‘US’ – an equation involving your partner, Jesus and you. And the only perfect thing in this equation for YOU is grace.

I was afraid of making the wrong choice, most of us are. But we make the choice, no one else and I need to believe I make the right one.

Marriage is the covenant, the promise, to God that you vow to love another person just as Christ had/has loved us first. The most intimate, challenging and all-inclusive way of loving is what this vow consists of and is what the vow of becoming one flesh with another person includes. To serve and selflessly love them in such a way, as Christ served us and selflessly loved us to and even on the cross. To carry their burdens, taking the lashings of their shortcomings and bearing the taunting of Satan and the struggles and challenges he may bring. To put them before yourself even to the point where you feel like you may be broken, but can ultimately rise, just as our Great King did and does, in love. Lifting your partner up to Jesus when they feel they cannot do it themselves. This, with a great understanding of the magnitude of the Gospel in which we come to realise a greater appreciation for the power and authority of what was done by Jesus on our behalf and because we are so loved by the Almighty King.

Marriage (and even dating) I have explained to a few people lately, is a tiny yet supernatural taste of God’s love for us. How He treasures and cherishes us. This is a promise not to be taken lightly, because it is ultimately, a promise to accept and love one another (including all versions and parts of one another), like God loves us, on a daily basis. Something we can’t even come close to doing on our own and can only come through natural relationship with God. That is the JOY of saying ‘yes’ in your heart to the covenant of marriage. Be it a choice you made when still dating or asked to date, a choice when proposed to or deciding to propose, it is a choice to be looked forward to and excited about, one to confess with joy in your heart, even on the day of marriage and every day after that. Although, a serious choice, it is one so profound and beautiful. It isn’t that you have found the ‘perfect one,’ but that we are a step closer to drawing back another layer and getting to see God’s perfect love played out in our lives in a rather magnificent way and that we get to share that with one another.

What is truly great about marriage is that, there is the sweetest of sweet joys in knowing that you don’t have to go at this whole thing alone and that God is with us, in this, every step of the way and through Him all the crazy, deep adventures and moments are MORE than possible. It is such an honour to be able to have the privilege of loving and caring for His child in this covenant the way He has loved and taken care of me. The great truth and grace is pure magic that comes with knowing that although we aren’t perfect for each other, we both are committed to making the choice every day to follow the King who showed us and IS the perfect example of how to love. It is a commitment to having our story become a ‘happily ever after’ but one, determined by the Word of God and not the world.

Beautiful Robes

Waking up to a friend in distress is pretty hectic…but God is awesome and seems to prepare our hearts for the knowledge He wants to share with them. In the past couple of weeks, tragedy has set upon lovely sisters of mine and God’s daughters have felt a little more down than usual… A few have been left feeling defeated – but ladies, what you must know is that you ARE NOT. You have not been defeated and God hasn’t been disappointed by you in anyway.

I am going to speak as kindly as I can so bare with me. There is NOTHING in this world that can separate you from Christ and His love. You are 100% close to God 100% of the time!!!

I am sick of the lies and misconceptions about our relationship with God. Churches and people have gotten into a mindset that what we do will change God’s love for us and will somehow affect our relationship with Him. If you believe that, then God isn’t God anymore and Him as a constant, never-changing being seems to be under us and falls under our power somehow. God isn’t dependent on who we are or what we do.

God is love. Regardless of the obscured world-view of what love is and does. Love doesn’t hurt. God is love. God is good. God is truth. He cannot be anything else than that. He doesn’t send wickedness into this world, neither shame, nor death, nor loss or pain or destruction. He does NOT condemn. The only one who does that and has that fingerprint is SATAN. If you haven’t read John 10v10, go read it.

Anyway back to the story…when we feel like we have failed or made a mistake and we can barely look at ourselves in the mirror because we’re ashamed…when we feel like God must be shaking His head at us disappointed, we have to remember that is not how it really is. Those are lies and we are giving into deception from the devil. After doing something I think would have disappointed God, I usually feel overwhelmed by thoughts of shame and disappointment and I feel condemned and judged but I have to remind myself that it can only be Satan who is trying to make me feel that way and he is enjoying every second of it. It is the thing he does, he uses lies because he has nothing else that could possibly change the relationship I have with God. He can’t drive God away, so he tries driving me away with thoughts of guilt and shame, so that I feel like I should run and hide the same way Adam and Eve did. But what happened when they did that, God still came looking for them and CHOSE to clothe them and continued a relationship with these beings He created. Why? Because He is love. He LOVES us. He wants a relationship with us.

Many years ago I did something I was ashamed of and felt like I had disappointed God…but He came to show me that He wasn’t disappointed and loved me and that what I had done hadn’t changed anything about the way He feels about me. There is nothing I could do that could bring me closer or less closer to Him. He already sent His Son… So He’s made sure to show me that He has pursued me and that there is nothing that can stand in the way of my relationship with Him. He doesn’t look away disappointed. Instead He looks at us the way He always has… Through filtered eyes of Jesus. So all He sees is our utter perfection and beauty.. He is God. He is love. He CANNOT look at us with shame or disappointment – because He is GOOD. He cannot be anything other than love and goodness – if He was – He wouldn’t be God anymore.

This morning when I spoke to this friend, God showed me a beautiful picture. He has gorgeous pure robes for you to put on, ones of worthiness, holiness, love, understanding, beauty, comfort – He’s standing there holding those robes… Waiting for you to take it… And I’m sure it comes in pretty colours too…but the devil is also standing there with robes of shame and disappointment, guilt and hurt, robes of unworthiness… But at the end, you’re the one that has to choose which you put on. Are you going to choose the princess dress or the tattered rags…? Because I know God wants you putting on the princess dress and the robes of righteousness. Because He loves you and He wants you feeling like the amazing person you are. Whether you put the beautiful robes on or not He loves you and isn’t disappointed in you. If He didn’t already know about imperfections and mistakes, He wouldn’t have sent His Son. But He wants you putting on the beautiful robes because He loves you and wants the best for you.

What has comforted me is that for long I felt dirty but I went to God and asked Him to show me what He thinks of me – everyday…because I was tired of believing these lies that I was dirty and that He wouldn’t love me as much or whatever the world was telling me. And He did. Everyday something happened. Someone would come up to me and give me compliments or I’d see a beautiful sunset and would feel God showing me His artwork… It made me feel special. Later it became verses and more of His character. And then He sent friends who built me up. It is still a daily thing but I forget more and more about my mistakes. Because God came to comfort me and showed me how there is nothing we can or cannot do that would change how He loves us. His love is constant. He is 100% close to us 100% of the time. He loves us 100% of the time too. So whether I feel close to Him or not, or loved or not, I am 100% of the time. And the only one who fills my head with lies – is usually the devil trying to get between me and my Dad. And he takes cheap shots at my identity because he has nothing else to use against me which is pretty pathetic of him. But in those times that my identity is attacked I remind myself who my Daddy is and in whom my identity is rooted. My identity is rooted in Christ and nothing can change that. So Satan has no chance. Things have already been taken care of through my Saviour.

So in these times, when you feel ashamed and like you should be running away from God, choose to run towards the One who loves you regardless of your current circumstances. Choose to wear the beautiful robes He wants to clothe you in and let Him show you off in front of Satan. And enjoy your relationship with Daddy in front of the enemy and don’t for one second feel ashamed.

John 3v16: For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

 

Listening to The Spirit

Looking out over the pool area of Zimbali Hotel, Ballito.

A long weekend getaway is pretty much bliss… We were away for a couple of days and I was totally blessed by it. Amazing friends and time away with them means relaxing and fun moments filled with love and laughter… The weather turned out to be cold and rainy most of the time with small spurts of sunlight breaking through the clouds in only certain moments…it was also windy but it gave us more time to relax instead of only being busy doing stuff all the time…

We definitely enjoyed making food together and eating out, listening to music, watching movies and series, playing games indoors, making jokes and laughing but most of all getting to talk and catch up and just spending quality chill time together.

But apart from the bliss, Satan was definitely at work this past weekend..trying to steal the joy, trying to condemn, attacking constantly through thoughts, nightmares, keeping us awake and out of sleep, trying to make us sick, bringing us to tears, attacking our identity in Christ, bringing up my past and using it as cheap shots to scare me and make me feel unworthy, trying to cause accidents..

But even so, God somehow turns it all to our good and blessed us even more over this weekend making Satan’s attempts look poor and like epic fails… It really was a blessing as every  time the devil attacked, God would bring Jean and I even closer to one another and draw us close to Him…but it does take practise trying to listen to the Holy Spirit instead of what I am experiencing in the flesh, in the carnal due to the devil… It took a while to learn how to focus what God does in the Spirit rather than what I am seeing with my eyes and hearing with my ears and feeling with my emotions..over the weekend God really helped and came to my rescue over and over using His Holy Spirit to show me how to see and hear in the Spirit instead of the carnal…

You really need to listen to the Spirit and trust what He tells you and what He shows you and makes you feel and be obedient towards that as the weekend I saw how that can be the difference between life and death in a very real way.

Sunday we travelled back from Ballito and finally stopped at Eliné’s house. She offered that we sleepover at her place instead of driving home that time of the night..home being Pretoria. Jean said he felt he needed to be at work early and thought I wanted to be home so decided we’d drive home. Meanwhile I felt something terribly wrong and felt we should sleepover at Eliné’s. But I didn’t say anything as I had developed a headache and thought maybe I was just being weird or imagining it.. Jean and I then left her house heading back to Pretoria but the further we went the more unsettled I felt and the more the headache started going away…feeling this was Satan’s plan I started closing my eyes and trying to block my ears so that I would not get distracted by what I see and hear around me but would rather focus on trying to hear God’s heart again(something I’ll explain later). At the same time Jean suddenly started praying in tongues because he felt he wanted to. God slowly showed me how Satan was trying to take something Eliné had said earlier and prove it wrong by causing an accident and using her two friends(that being Jean and I) and how Satan now wanted us dead…as he hadn’t been very successful at his other attempts to break our spirits earlier this weekend… As God showed me that picture and Jean started to relax while praying and driving, I decided to open my eyes and as I did, this huge white rabbit came sprinting toward our car from absolutely no where…Jean got a fright and so did I but the rabbit just missed the wheel and car by less than a split second…If Jean hadn’t relaxed in God’s presence while praying and I hadn’t closed my eyes I would possibly have made a scene and Jean could easily have panicked and swerved out causing a huge and possible fatal accident…If he didn’t swerve, even then the rabbit would have caused a lot of damage…. I burst into tears closing my eyes as I realised just how close that was and that God had warned me through the Spirit earlier but I had said nothing. I then told Jean about that feeling and for a while we couldn’t decide what to do….We drove on towards Pretoria for a while and I felt even more uneasy…so I made a choice and asked Jean if we could rather turn back to Eliné’s house. As we did that, Jean and I both started getting headaches but I suddenly felt a lot calmer….Satan was going to try again as he had just failed with the rabbit, so now he made a poor attempt using a headache to try confuse us, so that maybe we’d just want to get home and he could have another go at trying to cause an accident…but we headed back to Eliné despite it all. Accident free and slept peacefully that night at Eliné’s. The next morning we both felt at peace and headed safely towards Pretoria. Arriving safely too.

Us girls at the beach – windy day though.

Cooking – time for fun in the kitchen

Meintjies braaing the steak – yum!!

Meintjies and Estee

Cornu and Eliné

So after an amazing weekend, God has definitely blessed me, and taken what Satan intended to harm us and turned it into good and has helped me in trusting the Holy Spirit and shown me how to look beyond what we see and hear in the carnal, focusing only on Him.

Riamien se Voetspoore

“Al is ek soms teleurgesteld oor wat Hy als oor my pad stuur, sal ek altyd Sy kind bly en lief wees vir Hom. Ek’t al te veel Hom in my lewe ervaar om te se dat Hy nie bestaan nie. So darem weet ek my plek ini Hemel is gereserveer. En alhoewel ek nou al soontoe sal wil gaan, weet ek my werk hier op aarde is dalk nog nie voltooi nie!”

“Waar vertroue is, is liefde. Waar liefde is, is vrede. Waar vrede is, is God. En waar God is, is niks anders nodig nie.”

“Wanneer jy tot die einde van jouself kom, vind jy die begin van Jesus.”

“God se liefde is ons grootste wapen. Jy sal nooit meer as dit nodig he nie. Jy hoef net ander lief te he – Jesus sal die res van die werk self doen.”

“Al wat aan die einde saak maak is die liefde binne jou en jou liefde vir God. Hy is deel van elkeen van ons. So, as jy iemand lief he, het jy Hom lief. Wanneer jy die mens langs jou lief he en jy se dit vir daardie persoon, dan se en doen jy dit vir God.”

Al hierdie woorde het ek al van Riamien gehoor. Sy’t oor en oor gepraat van liefde en God dien en my hartsake uitgepraat. Sy was net ‘n blessing.

Ek’t self ‘n briefie gevind, ek’t elke daggie probeer vir haar ‘n briefie skryf terwyl sy besig was met Chemo sessies en so aan. Daar was een week die jaar, wat vreeslik aaklig vir haar was. En sy het net uit teater gekom na die operasie en wou met niemand gesels nie. Toe skryf ek vir haar die volgende:

Riamien,

Vriendin, ek skryf vanaand ‘n briefie. Jy’s uit teater uit en jy se die operasie het goed gegaan, maar jy wil met niemand gesels nie. 

Ek sal nooit werklik  weet hoe moeilik dinge is of hoe jou hartjie voel nie, so ek sou jok as ek gese het ek doen. 

Maar vanaand,  hou ek jou handjie vas in die gees. Tussen die donkerte, die stilte van die nag, tussen ‘n paar honderd kilometers..dink ek aan jou en wens mens kon dit makliker maak, die pyn verlig. Maar in daai stiltes en donkerte het mens nie woorde nodig nie.

Mens luister na die geluide van die nag, die beep van die masjien, die klop  van mens se hart of net die diepte van net asem haal…

Ek het nie veel om te se nie. Dog maar net ek laat weet, ek dink aan jou. Ekt nie woorde om dit beter te maak nie, maar ek het ‘n oor wat kan luister, ‘n hand wat styf vasgedruk kan word, ‘n kussing vir kwaai wees en slaan, ‘ skouer vir die huil en ‘n maag vir lekker saam lag…

Ek skryf vanaand ‘n briefie want die kosbaarste geskenk wat God vir my kon gee tussen als wat gebeur, is jy.

Baie lief vir jou maatjie

xx Michelle

Ek gaan my vriendin baie mis maar ek weet Sy is by Pappa en dat Hy haar nou styf vashou. Vandag wil ek haar net opdra aan God, en haar neerle by Sy voete, by die kruis en dat Hy deur haar lewe mag spreek en als gebruik vir Sy glorie. Dat ons altyd sal onthou hoe lief Hy het en hoe kosbaar ons verhouding met Hom en mense is. Mag haar lewe net Sy voetspoore agterlaat…

 

Brilliant Brothers

Last night I was privileged and reminded once again why I serve the God I do and why I’ve been a part of Intentional Living the past few years. I remember meeting the guys who had started the 1^st Intentional Living house in my 1^st year of varsity and that I have been involved in their projects since, only thing that changed is that this year, my 3^rd year of varsity, I had moved into the house myself.

Last night, we had had a communal supper made by Wihann whom I had met back in 2010 in the 1^st house. He had made us the dish he had been most commonly known for this year – bunny chow. What was great about this evening is that not only were there people from this year’s Intentional Living enjoying supper with us, we had our 2 German visitors as well as 3 members from the previous years.

These 3 are just legends, and listening to them last night truly stirred my heart and brought a few tears as they spoke…happy tears. Wihann and Hearns – they were there in the 1^st house and then Davie was part of the house last year, whom we supported as he went into the mission field this year.

These 3 men…just listening to their hearts and stories was really a gift from God last night. It was a blessing. At one stage it was just Jaco, Davie, Hearns and I at the table. Things got a little quieter and deeper as we spoke about missionaries and grace. I could literally feel God’s presence moving around us as we spoke.

Davie spoke about grace, making it so tangible and beautiful that if you hadn’t heard of it or someone who was blind or deaf and sitting there, they would have felt what he was talking about. It was just insane listening to him and how extremely humble he is. It was beautiful and during most of that conversation between the 4 of us, I sat with tears welled up in my eyes. He spoke about Bill Taylor, a great missionary and writer about cross-cultural ministry from the U.S. I once had the privilege of having supper with him and speaking to him and his daughter, I was truly humbled – something I would always remember. What really stuck out to me last night, was that Davie was saying – just like Bill once had said – that he doesn’t know if he can do this whole Christian thing and bring people God’s Word, because he isn’t perfect enough and can’t tell people to follow God and do things in which he himself is failing. That was such an incredibly humbling moment, one in which Hearns brought up ‘grace’ and that we have to remember we will never be perfect. We will always strive towards it and try be perfect, but that’s where grace comes in because without it – we will struggle.

Hearns also spoke about his heart, for those of you who don’t know – he’s finishing his articles now, in law. So as we all know, lawyers can be quite the sharks but when you hear Hearns speak and his dream….He’s not a shark at all….If you wanted to you could call him a shark – but a vegetarian which totally defeats the shark look he has going. Anyway, he will be working with Afgri next year which has been something he has been wanting to do for a while, as he wants to travel up into Africa. He wants to help them develop self-sustaining communities. They buy land and develop that community, giving them the equipment to farm and teach them how – using South African farmers, helping them build schools, churches etc and then the community gets to buy them out. He does all the lawyer-paperwork stuff but most importantly he makes sure what is happening is fair and that NO ONE will be exploited in the process. He really has such an amazing heart for people and God’s Kingdom, using what he has learnt for serving God. He has this great dream of farmers sitting around the fire with these communities, all of them sharing stories of their day and jokes and about what still has to be done tomorrow. His dream is to see all these different people come together, just sharing life. He told us a story of some of the guys from Afgri in Centurion. A whole lot of the farmers, guys with the same kind of heart, just arrived in the Congo and Uganda to help the communities there. They left here 2 months ago, it has taken them that long, because these guys drove in the tractors with all the farming equipment needed all the way to the Congo and Uganda to meet these communities and go help them out. I mean. Isn’t that what we should be like? Isn’t that what mission is? Isn’t that the Kingdom of God right there?

One more thing we spoke about that Hearns mentioned. Missionaries: the best missionaries in the world, are the ones we haven’t seen or heard of, the ones that are making a difference without even mentioning they are missionaries. The ones, who don’t even have to mention the word God or Jesus Christ in any of their sentences, ever. Those are the best kind of missionaries. Davie also told us about it as he was just in Malawi. He  said something we all agreed to – that people don’t want to hear about God and Jesus or anything like that. Christians are usually the most hypocritical. They don’t want to hear the stories anymore, they have heard it all. They want to see the stories come to life, they want to see through our actions. Our actions say a lot more about us than our words. Our actions are more influential than words. So we need to stop telling stories and start living what we believe. When we are so in love with God and focused on serving Him, His name and words won’t be necessary – only our actions will be. Our lives and actions will be what tell His story.

I wish I could better capture the moments shared last night and make it more tangible… but what I do wish, is that you all could get a chance to meet these wonderful men of God. Last night, was a cross-cultural conversation but not for one moment did any colour matter. We all felt like one family, one body of Christ. I just want to glorify God for these men and the work He has done through and in them as well as what He is still to do in and through them. They are amazing men, with such hearts for God who only inspire me to be more like them and to seek God more in my life and I am truly blessed to say I am friends with them and can call them my brothers.

A Smiling Heart

This past week I have been struggling with a nasty tummy bug which I have struggled to get under control. All I can say about it is – it hasn’t been good. I haven’t been able to enjoy dairy products which has seemed to be quite a big part of my diet, so I have felt a little deprived of enjoying some of the small things in life.

Although I have felt horrible, the last two days – it has felt like my heart has been so overjoyed & so happy that is has felt like it is smiling. When I made the statement that it feels like my heart is smiling, one of the guys asked me – who are you in love with? That question made me giggle and smile a whole lot more because my reply is “not a guy”. Haha, instead I feel like saying or actually shouting from mountain tops that: I’m in love with JESUS! I’m in love with SUMMER! I’m in love with MY FRIENDS! I’m in love with LAUGHTER & ADVENTURES! I’m in love with the WIND, AIR & OCEAN! I’m in love with PEOPLE! I’m in love with STORIES! I’m in love with LIVING LIFE!!!! And I’m sure this is everything but what he or anybody else may be expecting…..

In this week although feeling not too well & spending a lot of time running to the bathroom, I’ve had the coolest conversations with people, hearing stories & so many encouraging things from people. I’ve seen God work & heard from Him through others. So many things have just got my heart smiling, so much that it feels like I’m radiating happiness even though others might not see it & I’m in bed.

I have spoken to a friend about travelling to Mozambique in December, not the cheapest time – so that and some other stuff has weighed me down a little. But God just let me know that He has freed me from any bondage & anything that feels like it’s weighing me down. Not only did Liela & I speak bout Mozam, I spoke about it to my very special friend Emma, who is a surf instructor there & since speaking to her this week I have just felt so happy. Since yesterday though, it has just felt like although I have a tummy bug, the rest of my body is doing well. My skin feels soft, healthy & like it is glowing, spiritually I feel so overjoyed. Mari, my sister & I started gyming last night (although I couldn’t do any heavy training as I’m still sick & did have to run to the bathroom again), so physically we are getting into shape & we’re doing well with eating healthy. So in a lot of ways I really am doing well. Not only that, but summer is here, so we’re enjoying wearing shorts, tank tops, bikinis, dresses & so much more, as well as yummy smoothies & seeing flowers & birds everywhere. 🙂

So there has been a lot of laughter, good company, encouraging words, plans of fun adventures, stories, excitement, great weather & awesome memories made so far. I don’t think I’ll be able to attend any birthdays or other trips this weekend as I am still recovering – it really is a nasty tummy bug, but I am looking forward to all that lies ahead in the next few weeks – as I know God is faithful & all that is good comes from Him. It is going to be a great time & all of it for His Glory.

My heart feels like it is smiling – it is a feeling that seems to go from my heart, tingling through my veins, to the top of my head & even down to my feet. God is great, and He blesses me so much. I am so grateful.

Indescribable Affirmation

September comes to a close and I thought I would share with you a last few thoughts. September is International Childhood Cancer Month which is coming to an end but in these past few weeks God has really put them on my heart and made it clear that is where He wants me to be. Helping, loving and serving them, the kids and their families.

2 days ago, my second day of Dollar a Day was drawing to a close, and I still had to attend the Passion Conference in Pretoria at 7pm. By that time I was hungry and tired, not at all in the mood anymore. But as Chris Tomlin started to play God brought up the story in my head, that I had heard when I was still in high school, of a similar artist, Jeremy Camp who had married his first wife Melissa while she had cancer and passed away a few months after. That thought quickly passed, while we were worshiping I experienced a sense of overwhelming love and joy. While busy with worship, an intense and OVERWHELMING peace came over me, rushing through my veins as if someone had just put me on a drip of peace, I could feel the tingle of God’s peace running through my veins spreading to every part of my body. The peace came over me as I looked up to the sky at the stars which had felt so far away. As we sang the chorus of INDESCRIBABLE, “Indescribable, uncontainable, You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name, You are amazing God, All powerful, untameable, Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim, You are amazing God, You are amazing God..” I looked up at the stars again and suddenly the felt close enough to touch…. They were so extremely bright and so close. As I leaned closer, looking and wanting to touch them, each one seemed to reveal a face of a child inside that light…it felt like each star was a different child that Jesus so dearly loves and knows by the name, He was able to name each one I touched. While this was happening, I could feel my body and voice praising God at the top of my lungs, yet everyone’s singing and joy felt like background music while this was happening.

After that, Louie Giglio gave a great message from God, while he was doing that, I was sitting on a blanket next to Marine and Gerhard listening to Louie Giglio, but it felt as if I was sitting on a cloud next to God and between His stars, listening to this message. It really felt like God was enjoying watching this and I was just in awe, as God kept reassuring me through Louie Giglio’s message that He wants me to work with these kids at CANSA TLC. I could feel God smiling  next to me pointing to Louie Giglio as if to say, “See? I hope you’re listening. See? Uh-huh. Hmm. See? You can do it.  See? You can do what I need you to do. You see? Don’t doubt. I’ve called you by name, to carry My Name. Just like each of these stars have names and a purpose, so do you.” It kept going on, affirmation after affirmation. He just kept assuring me of what He wants me to do, but so gently, lovingly and with such excitement. As if He knows it is where I need to go to experience some challenges and growth while serving Him and lifting up His Holy Name.  He kept assuring me that if He is for me then nothing could stand against me, like He’s got this – I’ve just got to go do as He says and He’ll take care of the rest. The rest of the night I praised Him and worshiped, with renewed energy and INDESCRIBABLE in my heart the next two days. I felt like I was floating on that same cloud the rest of Wednesday night and Thursday morning when I woke up I still felt in a daze, I was quiet and just left in awe, unable to say much and feeling irritated when people spoke to me as I couldn’t get out of the daze. I felt like I was drunk on the Holy Spirit but it was amazing. Since then though, I have felt at such peace about working with kids who have Cancer. I even shared the feeling of really wanting to work with the kids, with my sister and even she said she thinks I should do it and that I would enjoy it and really serve well. For her to have said that, was even more confirmation, as my sister is truly honest about what she thinks and knows me so well, I trust and believe in her opinion, so that meant so much to me.

So I feel confident and assured that this is what I should do for God, as He answered every question and doubt in me with an affirmation and word of belief in me. It really is the greatest feeling that words can hardly get close to describing. It truly is INDESCRIBABLE.

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These were also a few words & scriptures from God that were shared with me as I prayed on Thursday:

Psalm 62v1 – Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from Him.

Deuteronomy 16v15 – For seven days celebrate the festival to the Lord your God at the place the Lord will choose. For the Lord your God will bless you in all your harvest and in all the work of your hands, and your joy will be complete.

Exodus 33v14 – The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

1 Peter 5v7 – Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

Matthew 6v8 – Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.

Psalm 23v1 – The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.

John 14v27 – Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Psalm 31v15 – My times are in Your Hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me.

Psalm 33v11 – But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations.

Proverbs 2v6 – For the Lord gives wisdom, and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Deuteronomy 2v29 – But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you look for Him with all your heart and with all your soul.

Psalm 27v1 – The Lord is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?

MeSsy Fun Painting

I have just the coolest weekend coming up!!!

The diggs I’m living in is kinda more than just a diggs. We have two. One is just filled with guys & then our diggs is filled with guys and girls. We are a whole bunch of Christians from different backgrounds living together. Some work but we’re mostly students, all studying different things. We do projects together & Bible study & a whole lot of stuff. It’s so hard to explain & me trying to just doesn’t do it any justice. But we are trying to live simplicity in the context of need. If you want to know more go to http://www.intentionalliving.co.za

So anyway, at varsity as of Sunday the 29th July – Tuks Missions is having their annual Missions Week. They raise funds during the year up until this huge event in which they have worship, speakers, stalls & a whole lot more each evening in order to educate people on campus about Missions. It really is a super cool event. So every night there will be stalls & the event goes on until Thursday, 2nd August. Our diggs is having a stall of course & as the theme is footprints for the event this year I thought I’d get our stall a table cloth with footprints on it.

But, thinking about it, I want to use the huge piece of cloth for something more. I was just thinking about how footprints has to do with being followers of Jesus but also being His hands & feet & the generation to leave footprints of God’s love in this world. And when we talk about followers, feet, footprints & generations – I usually think KIDS!!! So I decided I need a new project, since I only have a few classes a day & have been feeling bored. It may be something fun but may be something of impact. Tomorrow morning I get to go to a school to spend some time with awesome little kids from the ages 3-6 yrs & if I’m lucky, the rest of the school will join in & paint too. I will have a 2m x 3m white cloth & kids with paint on their feet are gonna run all over it! So I have no clue where this little project of mine may lead & I’m trusting God to do something with it! I will use the cloth on Sunday evening at Missions Week but also later on as I get more ideas on this fun little project.

And then, tomorrow evening I’ll be spending it with Chris & Mona at their house warming! So it is going to be a fun, exciting & messy kick start to one awesome weekend!!!

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