Posts Tagged With: Liz

All I Desire…

About a month ago I went to Jo’burg in hopes of having coffee with a few new friends who play for the Lions. That Tuesday we had experienced snow all over the country & then that Wednesday I was back in Jo’burg to see Liz, have coffee & also go watch a movie with a friend.

Although I had an awesome day I had an even more humbling experience with Liz that night as she shared her heart with me. But as we spoke she shared a question with me that God had given her which really seemed to challenge her & as soon as she had shared it, I found it was something that had come up in my journey of late with God too & it challenged me greatly as I didn’t know how to answer that. The question was: “I can be all you need, but am I really all you want?” Liz & I both struggled to answer and felt guilty because of it. We had both experienced heart ache in relationships that were broken with guys, hers only a few months ago and mine nearly a year ago. Although we didn’t mind being single, we both really wanted someone to love & someone to share with one day. We both want to have a husband one day or a family but suddenly we were feeling guilty for wanting that. We both considered the fact that God says, ‘seek Him first and all shall be added unto you,’  but that means desire Him first and He will add all the desires unto you later (according to His Will obviously). But with the question He had both challenged us with, made it seem that He wants us all to Himself – so are we really to desire other things as well?

In a prayer of mine a few weeks ago, after that challenging question, I was up to being honest with myself: God could be all I needed, but He wasn’t all I wanted. I wished He was, but at that point He really wasn’t. My focus at that time had been guys, especially with this year of being single nearly being up.

Now, after all these weeks, and especially after Saturday night (my parents and friends attended my 21st party), I can honestly say God took me on a journey and I have gotten to a place where I honestly ONLY WANT HIM. My whole being desires Him. But it doesn’t just happen; the four week journey really was a hectic one. It had many up’s and down’s. I’ve seen how with some guys I’ve focused on friendship like for example some of the rugby guys. I’ve just tried to be a friend, getting to know them and constantly praying for them, whether or not they knew it, I have been on my knees daily in prayer for them. Then, there has been another person, with whom I haven’t done that. This person had been flirting with me and I really thought he was a genuine nice guy, it did look like we were going somewhere but at the same time, he didn’t seem like he would ever ask me out, and some of the things he had asked me to do, I’d said no to and just really bothered me. It’s weird to see how faithful God is in this. I always try hoping and seeing the best in others no matter the circumstance, but every time I did this, there was still this weary feeling inside me about this guy & that something just didn’t add up. In prayer, I took this to the Lord and that things were bothering me about him but I still wasn’t sure, maybe I’m being weary for nothing – I mean, he did say sorry a few times for things. But after the weekend I had had, God has just been so faithful. This weekend I was left extremely disappointed by this person’s actions and character traits and I was extremely irritated and sad. Many of the guys living with me came to my rescue trying to cheer me up, but I think it was just because this person seemed great one on one but in a group he wasn’t at all who I had thought him to be.

Chris, my friend and the new youth pastor at the church had prayed and said such beautiful things at my birthday, but most of all, I told him about my disappointment and also told him that I had learnt ANYONE could disappoint me but so far God hasn’t and that I have come to a place where I am so grateful of what God has done and showed me and that He really does know best. Chris then also added something his mom always said, “We have feet made of clay.” He then explained, that as much as this person has disappointed me, anyone even the best people we know will disappoint us. Not only that, but I’m sure I have disappointed many people and I truly am sorry, be it when I’ve known or not, it has never been my intentions.

But from this whole story and journey, I am beyond excitement! I really cannot wait to see what lies ahead. I have made such good friends and met such stand up guys that play rugby and although they seem to doubt in themselves, through being on my knees and praying for them, God has shown me who they truly are and how He loves them even though some of them haven’t spoken to me half as much as others. I am at a place where all I want IS God and I truly desire Him and make a daily choice to follow Him. God is so faithful, and He knows our worries and things that bother us, and when we share those thoughts with Him – He comes through for us and protects us. When we are unsure, He shows us taking away any doubt in our minds. He is faithful; we just need to trust that.

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Categories: Pursuing Faith, Pursuing Hope, Pursuing Life, Pursuing Love | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

City Life & its Blessings

Wow! Been back in the city for a few days and already I am missing the waves, the coast, the peace & absolute NO RUSH!!! Everything that has been happening since I’ve been back in Pretoria has left me a little tired & like I had no holiday at all!!! But being at the coast did get me back into a few great habits – like making time to spend with God(no leaving the house without chilling with Him first), healthy eating & getting back into some exercise routine!

A few really cool things have also happened! Apart from 7’s rugby training tonight which is also gonna kill me, I’ve had some very good news. A few posts ago I asked that we pray for 4 women – my mom, Riamien, Liz & Elicia. Of those 4 – I’ve heard great news from 2 of them, Liz & Riamien. Liz has started to recover after surgery, she is slowly getting back her strength & is now walking. She has even darkened her hair & cut a fringe(*bangs – for my American friends). It is a slow journey but I’m so happy to have her back at varsity, smiling & alive as we really didn’t know if she would make it at one point! Riamien went for her scan last Wednesday(exactly a week ago), we had all prayed for her the previous evening at a prayer meeting. The results came back earlier this week & were super positive.  Some of the stuff in her lungs that were 7cm have shrunken to the crazy size of 2cm & may not even be of any danger to her. She has 3 chemo sessions left that she will be getting next week! So praise the Lord for His amazing work!!! Such great news & blessings – to God be the glory!!!

I must admit though I did miss my housemates! Ani & I are exercising together daily & trying to support each other & motivate each other with the healthy eating! I really have missed talking to her & all the funny expressions she has. We have been busy turning our one room into a guest room, which we will finish tomorrow (as that is when our guests Mark – a former housemate & his wife Laura) & then the other, Ani & I are turning into a prayer room. We’re down to 5 girls in our house & 3 guys, with 2 more guys – Jason & Thomas moving in next week! Good friends of mine, Chris & Mona have moved to the city too now, from the coast & Chris is the new pastor at one of the churches in Doornkloof. So happy to have them closer, will be visiting there a lot. He preached on Sunday for the first time, Sunday morning & evening – I went to both services & it seems like they’re settling in very well. We’ll be having a kinda housewarming this Friday #braaitime

Other cool news I received over the weekend was from my friend Scotty!!! What a champion…. So this crazy child is going to Australia soon. He knows how keen I am on going and stuff and has offered to sponsor me a ticket!!! So Australia will be seeing me sooooooon!!! Whoop!!! Beyond keen #soexcited&blessed

Ohhhhhhh and some news – out of the city & more coastal vibes(I know this is supposed to be a city update but I just have to share). Bethany Hamilton has been awarded the wildcard, she is paddling out alongside Laurie Towner (Australia) and local surfers Mustofa Jeksen (Kuta) and Made Lana (Uluwatu) at the Rip Curl Cup 2012 at Padang Padang in Indonesia!!! She will be the first-ever woman to compete in the Rip Curl Cup which is currently taking place until the 26th August! So let’s hold thumbs that she’ll be catching some great waves as those can be quite a challenge!!!

Anyway that was just a little update! God is good & great & He does answer prayers!

Have a great blessed week

Xx

M

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Beautiful hope

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Just a few pictures sent (out of no where) to me by my friend Liz with a beautiful message: “There is somebody out there who is going to understand you and love you for you – you won’t have to change a thing about you. He’ll be perfect for you Moo, don’t settle for less than God’s best! God is a really jealous Father, especially of His little girls.”

It really meant so much when she sent that, not only because of those beautiful words but also because even though she is facing a really tough time with illness and heartache she still seems to be there through it all, by my side. An amazing friend, I’m beyond blessed to have her. It meant a lot that she sent that message, because sometimes we just need a little reminder of who we are and that everything will be okay, someone to shed some light on our situation and remind us of the hope we do have when we forget!

Thanks Liz!

Love you lots pretty lady

Xx

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From Resentment to Prayer & Praise

Last night Liz sent me a message of resentment or rather just how sad and betrayed she feels. Weeks ago, her ex, while still overseas, broke up with her over skype. Something neither of us saw coming. But he said horrible things and shifted the blame. Well this week he got back and landed at O.R Tambo and she’s due to meet him tomorrow. She wanted to meet up so that they could talk face to face and just sort things out before they bump into each other at church on Sunday. Anyway, weeks after, she still has moments where she just feels bad about herself and still feels the bitterness and betrayal, and I have to admit, sometimes I still do too. It makes it hard.

This whole week, I haven’t been near my Bible but the whole day I’ve been avoiding the urge inside of me to pick it up and read a little. I don’t know why I have tried to avoid it but I just lost that battle. In my Bible there are profiles of 25 of the women and their stories from the Bible and Abigail is one of them. I try doing a different one every day or at least one a week, but stopped when I didn’t feel the need anymore. But today, God thought I needed Abigail. I picked it up and read the story of Abigail and her husband Nabal, who was harsh and mean. Basically Nabal sinned against David who had been anointed by God. Abigail, went to David confessing her husband’s mistakes even though she had not been there when he had said what was said.

Through this story in 1 Samuel 25, we learn that where there is sin there must be confession in order for there to be forgiveness (you can refer to 1 John 1v9 for that). Like in Liz’ situation and many of ours, we have people in our lives who are close to us and some of them often refuse to confess their sin and don’t even acknowledge that they have done anything wrong or sinful. What they do may be hurting you and causing lots of pain, and it can be easy to judge and resent them. But what if we took a stand in fellowship and confessed the wrongs or sins instead of just condemning it? I mean, if you think about it, God has been offended. The sin was against Him, no one else and confession would be your gift to Him and not to the offender. Confessing their sin could actually bring you some relief and closure. It may also bring some sort of spiritual change in the lives of those you are praying for or it may not, but remember where there is sin – there needs to be confession.

I am not saying that, when others sin you should take on their guilt, you really shouldn’t but rather as a child of God – take a stand by confession, as a bridge between their blindness and God’s greatness. You’ll bridge the gap that they may not be able to get over as you pray for their forgiveness. We should choose to take on an active role in the lives of those close to us and those whom hurt us and God, and make a change from resentment to prayer and praise.

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Just a picture Tot shared with Liz and I. So true and I am extremely grateful to have these two incredibly strong friends in my life! Irreplaceable.

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4 Hopeful Women

Bad things happen to everyone. I don’t know why and I guess we’ll never be able to explain it. But I do believe good can come from every bad thing and I always have a hope that we can learn from it all and through it all, glorify Jesus. We definitely have the choice to and I personally believe, that if bad things didn’t happen, then we wouldn’t learn compassion. We don’t really know compassion until we ourselves have gone through trials. But in all the bad, I do believe that through prayer, God will heal and when He doesn’t, I know He has a plan with that too.

In my life many have died and that is hard to deal with, but I want to celebrate those who still live and I want to cherish them and learn as much from them and their stories as possible. I have 4 women on my heart today, whom I really want to lift up, celebrate and also lift up in prayer. They are amazing women, with incredible strength, love and perseverance and whom I’ve learn’t so much from.

Elicia, Riamien, Elizabeth and then my mom.

Elicia, I got to know last year by working on Tuks Missions Committee with her and we have been incredibly close friends ever since. She has Marfan Syndrome, a disorder of connective tissue, the tissue that strengthens the body’s structures. This disorder of connective tissue can affect the skeletal system, cardiovascular system, eyes, and skin. It also causes overgrowth, mainly in the long bones. So arms and leg and fingers often grow very long and thin. Because of this disorder, she is unable to do physical sport or anything as she needs to gain a lot more muscle before she can do that and as far as I know, this incredibly beautiful friend of mine also has some problems with her heart.

Riamien, I got to know this year, by a friend whom studies with me. Francois started a prayer group for her and I felt God truly wanted me to get to know her and just support her. I have got to know her by sms, her status updates on bbm and facebook and by the messages people have sent her. She has lung cancer. There isn’t much I need to explain as I am sure you have heard of it. I remember from when I was in primary school, a close family friend who passed away from it. We went to visit her often and I remember her last days and they were horrible. But Riamien, has shown incredible positivism and a belief of getting well again. She really has taught me a lot.

Elizabeth, whom has been studying with me for 3 years now and has been an amazing friend when I haven’t even been worth the name ‘friend’ has suffered many illnesses but the the worst so far has her in bed and recovering for more than a month. She went for an operation and the doctor found stage 1 Ensometriosis for a second time. Since her operation in May, she has been in for a few operations again, they thought she had internal bleeding. We now know she has been suffering from Peritonitis, which is an inflammation (irritation) of the peritoneum, the thin tissue that lines the inner wall of the abdomen and covers most of the abdominal organs as well as Pulmonary embolism (PE) is a blockage of the main artery of the lung or one of its branches by a substance that has traveled from elsewhere in the body through the bloodstream (embolism). PE most commonly results from deep vein thrombosis (a blood clot in the deep veins of the legs or pelvis) that breaks off and migrates to the lung, a process termed venous thromboselism (VTE). A small proportion is due to the embolization of air, fat talc in drugs of intravenous drug abusers or Amniotic Fluid . The obstruction of the blood flow through the lungs and the resultant pressure on the right ventricle of the heart lead to the symptoms and signs of PE. The risk of PE is increased in various situations, such as cancer or prolonged bed rest. Things just seem to be going wrong or getting worse. She really is struggling.

Then, my mom. The amazingly tough but stubborn women who gave birth to me struggles every day with Osteoarthritis. Many days after work she goes to bed having to lie flat on her back with stuff stretching her spine and so on. My mom is too young to have an operation and although she needs it, she won’t go, there is no money for that and it won’t be long before she would have to go for another one. Those operations don’t help much and you end up having one every few years which is pretty ridiculous. So, seeing and knowing how my mom suffers sucks too.

Each one of them persevere through so many situations every day, they have a lot of love and compassion to give, they are always willing and active, they are funny and crazy, but most of all they possess an incredible strength I wish I had. But they all have been dealing with illness and need God’s protective, healing hand and need our prayer.

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A poem written by Riamien about her unshakable hope about beating cancer.

Faith, Hope, Love. 
You need all of the above.
If you want to live, then you’ve got to be positive. 
There is a rumor I got a tumor. 
I used to be a dancer, but then I got cancer. 
I used to have hair all down my back, but now it is even shorter than Kojak.
But that is all right,
Cuz I’m gonna win the fight!!!

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Underestimated..

In 10 days since my last post so many things have happened. There have been laughs, fights, tears and so much more.

My friend, Liz, sent me a message to say that her boyfriend had broken up with her over the long weekend over skype while he is sitting overseas. Anyway, the whole situation got very messy. He not only emailed her with hurtful things to say but also her parents with a million different excuses and the pastors of the church. She was extremely upset because it all was very unexpected and out of the blue, he kept saying he had been faking it all and it was her own fault that she was hurting. Instead of admitting to his wrongs, he was shifting the blame to her. It really was terrible and cowardly. Luckily on Thursday afternoon, after she had seen me reading Isaiah 55 in class, God appeared to her in a vision. He said so many things that she had read in Isaiah 54 and that I had thought about Isaiah 54 would relate to her. He just said He would build her up stronger than before and that her pain would be used to help others. It really was beautiful. I really did sob when I heard that He had appeared to her.

Last week though, on Wednesday, Deo-Dane picked me up to take me to the school she teaches at. She said she felt God say she should take me with. So she did that although it took a lot of convincing as I really was not up to teaching high school kids some sort of math… She ended up showing me she works with Potato Foundation. She goes to different schools in rural areas and takes them whatever is needed to keep their school going and the kids happy and then she teaches them about God and sings songs and so on. The coolest job in the world!!! It was exactly what I needed that day because I still had to tell my parents that I’d be doing an extra year of studies. I hadn’t told them yet, because I was stressing out about their reaction. Luckily, I spoke to Deo and she got me motivated. She spoke to me about Isaiah 55 and how there is a purpose with everything. She also just gave testimony to the fact that if she hadn’t messed up with her studies God wouldn’t have put her where she is now. That even though everything is chaos and I may have messed up, God has the bigger picture can use anything to work for good. When I got home after working with Deo, I mailed my parents the news and all the things Deo had said. That evening we had a streetbraai with all our neighbours and my parents sent me a message which surprised me. They were very supportive and understanding. It really meant a lot.

So over this past weekend, after a week of classes and supporting my friend Liz, my heart would get hurt too. I went on facebook the evening before bed. I went off and suddenly I decided I should go back on facebook. I had a feeling I shouldn’t but I did it anyway. To my utter disappointment I was confronted with a photo of my ex and one of our friends. We had worked on the same committee. So I asked my friend Elicia what was going on and whether they were dating. She said yes. I didn’t mind until she told me they had already been dating 5 days and quite a few of our mutual friends knew. I was upset. Horribly upset because I had to find out from a friend and was ‘nearly’ last to know and because he had seen me everyday since Wednesday in which he had countless opportunities to tell me. It was horrible. I cried for a long while and luckily for my two roommates and sister being at home. They comforted me and opened up a wine bottle. Not the best thing to do when upset – note to self:choose chocolate in times of pain – it’s yummy & doesn’t cause hangovers. Sunday I spent the day with Freddy & Shikara. Went for lunch and watched Avengers (awesome movies!)

I spoke to my friend Liz about it too and she said the following to me which is so true: “I’m beginning to realise that the world is seriously lacking men who are bold enough to be MEN..and we as women suffer the consequences terribly. Why can’t they just be men? Just brave enough to admit their faults instead of blaming other people for their own weaknesses, we as the women have to carry the role of men that we shouldn’t have to. Burdens that are not ours to carry.” It was true and is true. I got a thousand excuses from my ex about the horrible way in which he had handled this.

Monday Tammy & Mari (Wassie) went with me to shop for a dress for a 21st over the weekend but they also helped me find an outfit for Deo’s birthday on Tuesday night. It would be my first night out at an event where my ex and his girlfriend would be and the girls wanted me to look “HOT”. We had lots of fun and then had a great supper together.

Tuesday evening came and I was nervous as anything about Deo’s birthday dinner because it would be my ‘coming out’ night. I was freaking out about having to face my ex and his gf. I was super nervous. Everyone I know and all the girls in my house were giving me pep talks and trying to motivate me. They did my hair and helped where ever they can. Tammy who was feeling sick even went to be my ‘wingwoman’ incase I needed her and couldn’t handle it. The girls really were worried. Everybody said I should just take a really hot guy with. I wanted to but no guy could come and I didn’t want a guy to go with me because of that, I wanted a guy to go with me because he wanted to. I also needed to face it on my own. I mean, what if I bumped into them somewhere else and I didn’t have a guy with me, then what? I needed to know I could handle it on my own, it was just way too easy for me to hide behind some guy. When I got to the restaurant I walked in with them sitting at the table facing the door. I had to take a deep breath for a second there. But the rest of the night I felt this immense peace and confidence come over me and it really went well. I even said hi and congratulated them and everything was fine. Last night I saw them again at a concert and I was fine. So through all the tears, everything worked out.

So what I am trying to say is, many times we underestimate ourselves and others do to. But just try the things you want to, even if the obstacles or tasks look daunting. You may just surprise yourself. And trust me, it really feels great to see what you actually achieve when you believe in yourself and prove yourself.

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Sweet things

At the end of this week when I went to class, after a very frustrating week, I had the blessing of experiencing a few sweet things.

1. I gave my friend Elizabeth a beautiful pink and white rose – it made her smile
2. Elizabeth shared great news with me – Cole (her boyfriend) who has been overseas for months now, is coming home on the 17th June! I’m so extremely happy for her!!! It just made my day!!
3. In our Missiology class, while being bored, 2 of the guys – Francois and Gerrie – drew over themselves on their student cards and stuck it on a page with a heading ‘WANTED’ and then some sub-text saying ‘MASS MURDERERS’. They were being very funny and silly.

4. Gerrie – being silly & thoughtful – asked me to go to movies at Brooklyn Mall with him on Tuesday, like it is in Zak de Priester’s song – ‘Sally William’s Nougat’ and then buy Nougat from Groenkloof Spar. Basically a night of doing things according to the song lyrics. Very sweet of him.
5. I got to see a great guy, the one I’ve spoken bout before in a previous post…. And he’s asked me to go to the movies or doing something with him over the coming long weekend. So I’m kinda excited. But not getting my hopes up – just in case it doesn’t happen…. But very excited 🙂

And then after a very frustrating Saturday night (let’s hope this week will be better), when I climbed into bed, I had the blessing of falling asleep to the sound and smell of the rain outside…. An awesome Jesus moment!!!

Francois & Gerrie - 'WANTED - Mass Murderers'

Francois & Gerrie – ‘WANTED – Mass Murderers’

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