Posts Tagged With: Pretoria

Defeated? – NO!

Being home at the coast, visiting my parents is always a great time for me as I get the chance to do a lot of self-reflection and it always seems to be at the right time and when I have just about had enough of the city and need a breakaway to another place. But although I came home to see my parents, I also had a plan of things I needed to discuss with them and a whole bunch of things that needed to be sorted out as well as the feeling that I needed to come home and see them.

Today though, my dad and I made a trip to Harding to the licensing department, one of the reasons I am home. Somehow I really just don’t enjoy making appointments with them, as mine rarely work out but today I was pretty optimistic. Once I came out with an appointment date though, my optimism was short lived and had flown out the window. The earliest appointment they had was a month after the date I had hoped for… I really felt defeated when the guy gave me the date and tried hard to swallow back my tears.

I was disappointed because I have a lot going on and really needed that date to be at the end of February, to suit my schedule. I also had a million things that were on hold because of this date and lots I needed to get back to in Pretoria. More than that though, I am missing my friends and more importantly, my life. DEFEATED just wasn’t the word. I guess it is also dealing with how many things I’m missing out on every day and hearing about them on the phone or a few days later, just isn’t the same.

Being at home has been a challenge as I’m home alone with the dog all day. I haven’t seen my sister in over a month. And ya. Mates are all back at varsity and stuff. And being without a car also gets me down. Relying so much on others really is frustrating me. But today, when I got back to the car, my dad was super sweet about it. He got a plan in action in the first 5 seconds of me telling him the horrid news, and all is well. My dad – a HERO!

But just by this, although I felt defeated I kinda got to a point where God was telling me, that it isn’t how I planned but He turns all things to my good. So it is best just to make the best of the situation and use this time fully rather than me moping around about things. All my grandparents are down, so now I get to spend time with them, which I hardly get to do with a usually busy schedule. I get to see a few friends, who live down here that I never see. I get to do a ton of yoga, sort out my stuff before I move back to Pretoria, I get to spend time and minister and build relationship with my parents. I might miss my life in Pretoria every day, but I get to focus and build relationship with God and help me become more of the woman that is needed so that I can be a blessing to so many others.

Me being alone, I got used to it in 2011, but after that my sister and I lived together for 2 years. Now being home and alone most of the day, I get to build me again and get used to doing what is needed and focus on myself and the goals I have. It is a tough time. I felt just as defeated yesterday in yoga. I was just as optimistic and eager to go do yoga and after the first 10 to 20 minutes I was already feeling frustrated and defeated as I wasn’t getting any of the poses right that I had planned to. I wanted to give up right then and there and throw in the towel. But I soon realised that I could do that, it is easy to do that. But the harder choice is trying again and persevering through the frustration and disappointment, and doing my best to try get things right. I ended up sticking to it, and stretching and messing around all day, trying over and over again until I got some of the poses right. Once I got at least one of them right I was totally stoked and the perseverance paid off and felt totally worth it and I suddenly felt like tomorrow I could actually try again. I suddenly felt hopeful in trying again the next day. It just takes patience and an attitude of trying again even though all other attempts failed. An attitude that believes there is still hope and is going to try make the best of whatever is thrown in your direction.

So yeah, I might have to be here an extra while but I can work around what is happening and still make other things happen. I can just do my best and use it to my advantage and to strengthen my relationship with God and others.

So defeated? I could have been but I refuse to be. I can be anything, but I won’t be defeated by anything or anyone and the enemy won’t defeat me.

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Categories: Pursuing Faith, Pursuing Health, Pursuing Hope, Pursuing Life, Pursuing Love | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Road trip with sisters

Road tripping back to Pretoria at like 3am with my sister Chantelle and my other ‘little’ sister Bianca, whom we grew up with. Back to varsity we go, sad to leave but I guess it’s better to leave now and know we’ll be back soon.

So stoked, was such a relaxing holiday, definitely was needed. I feel refreshed, my skin and everything feels better and happy and my soul feels soothed beyond compare.

This road trip has started early but we’re already talking, listening to good music and the laughs and giggles are mad with some good snacks! This is gonna be fun! So blessed by this little trip to the coast and now the 6-7hours driving back.

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4th of May

These last couple of weeks…this past month has been a roller coaster kind of ride…. So many things have happened in such a short time but God has been amazing and His attention to detail, pretty spectacular. But that is a story for another post.

What I would like to say now though is that I have to congratulate a few people – God’s blessings upon them have been numerous and will continue in abundance, I’m sure.

Firstly, Congrats to my childhood friend Ashleigh Bigara about whose engagement I posted last year…She married her best friend and the love of her life – Craig Parrott over the weekend. She looked absolutely stunning and from those who were there, I heard, that everything was as beautiful as these two people are and God’s love was definitely felt all around. I wish them both one amazing honeymoon and hope their future will continue to exceed all expectations and blessings from our Father. May the road be filled with grace and growing love and friendship, more than what could ever have been imagined. 390741_10151452543716297_1379857182_n 197798_636356179714770_1147974716_n 946310_10151452545496297_668194304_n 601929_10151452545276297_1817263384_n 225681_10151376511096898_1398984672_n 190545_10151393237666828_1627981806_n 390645_10151451554901297_1600857657_n 21247_532670730128797_1974478129_n 486660_10151376511221898_57312032_n 62617_532670940128776_642015452_n 164963_10151402936876517_522519081_n 229705_474674425934804_169139573_n 936912_532671253462078_1889212081_n 940845_10151451555201297_343686166_n 603614_10151376511396898_1218681191_n 321354_10151452547451297_555195849_n

Then, over the weekend, Nationals were held at Zwartkops Race Track here in Pretoria. It was great and super exciting. It was awesome being at the race track again and in the pits. I want to congratulate my friend, Nic, as he raced for Kawasaki  and came 2nd! He had one of the best times on Friday when they were just practicing and checking lap times to qualify and he did superbly Saturday with that second place. We are all very proud!!!603826_10201269661927446_671652069_n IMG-20130503-WA001 21243_374378012666720_433118956_n 295376_10151349945596148_1720223835_n 262480_10151350070491148_1138804573_n

Then lastly, a close friend, Renaldo, had his first MMA fight in Centurion Saturday evening. Although he lost, he made us all extremely proud as he persevered through a long, hard fight. Our throats were definitely sore after shouting and cheering him on.

It was a great weekend, that has left me sick with some serious flu after a few cold winter days but I will soon be back in action.

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God’s Loving Fingerprints over Easter

Girl-and-Sunset-1So this year my Easter weekend was a little different than usual. It was my first Easter away from home and I was definitely aware of it. It had me thinking a lot about how I spend it and how all the people close to me spent it…and even though we were all in different places, I was updated by each one and it kinda felt like we were all still celebrating together. Kinda like all living under the same roof just in different rooms of the house.

But what was most beautiful about being apart and doing things so differently, is how extremely close God felt to me, and to each and every other person in their Easter celebrations. He was everywhere and He made it visible. So although I was doing things at my own pace and it was totally different – it ended up being a very special Easter weekend.

On Thursday  we chilled out and saw two great friends, Jaco and David and caught up a little with them. That evening, I was on my way to church, dressed all in pink, ready for communion that would take place at church, when a little crisis came up. Luckily my little sister was very graceful about it, and after the crisis was taken care of we headed to the Union Buildings, with our pink sterie stumpies. It was such a beautiful evening, with a lot of adventure and exploring and bonding. After that, a friend called me out for coffee at Just Cuban restaurant, and we had a very chilled evening chatting and being very mellow. We had a little heart to heart over coffee and some hubbly and when I got home round 12pm, I found my little sister in the kitchen making soup. So we had soup together before we called it a night. Pretoria-20130328-00611 Pretoria-20130328-00613 IMG-20130328-00609 IMG-20130328-00699

Friday was a chilled day and I was updated by a mate who was cycling in P.E over the Easter weekend. Just showing me how beautiful the routes are over there. Pretoria-20130325-00691 PE

As well as one of my friend’s who stayed in the same house as I, Pieter, got engaged to his lovely fiance Annine!!! So another wedding on the way32588_10151365699212745_1388385616_n (1)

Saturday was pretty chilled apart from my sister’s cleaning. I also was worrying about a friend who had been working 3 weeks straight without any breaks, so I waited on him to hear where we were going to go chill out. But he surprised me with a phone call after 10pm, mentioning that I should get dressed up and stuff and he’d pick me up in 15mins or so. That turned out to be such a great evening, we chilled and danced all night with more really good mates and ended up sleeping over in Hartebeespoort with all of them. It turned out to be a very fun-filled evening and the next morning was even more special as it was Easter Sunday. IMG-20130330-00700

Easter Sunday was very special, as usually I’m at the Sunrise Service back home with mates. It is usually round 5 or so a.m. at St. Mikes beach. This year I couldn’t be there but it was still pretty special, as usually afterwards, they do baptisms. This year, my best mates, little sisters were baptized. Daryl’s little sister, Bridget and then Stubbs’ little sister, Helen were baptised by Sim! Although I couldn’t be there, my best mates were there for it, and even though I wasn’t, I got to see the photo’s and I’m so happy for them. It reminded me of when my best mates got baptised and when I did. Really great and special moments. While that was happening, we were waking up in Harties and it was a very chilled morning with the wind blowing through the trees. We all woke up, one of my very special mates started a fire as we all sat and talked, watching him and eating Easter eggs. The guys then left to go buy some stuff for breakfast, while us ladies made turns going through the shower. When they got back, we were all sipping on Mc Donald’s machine coke, while playing pool and Eugene was making us all omelettes. We all sat having a chilled breakfast and talking about religions and Easter and a few other things. At about 1pm it was time to say our goodbyes and head back to Villeria and Hatfield, Pretoria. It was such a chilled drive, the trip took us an hour as we listened to music, got a little lost as we got to know Pretoria a little better and chatted. At about 3pm my little sister and I headed out to Mozambik, ending our day off with talking about Easter and a few other things, taking photos, eating amazing seafood and sipping on RnR’s in such a beautiful, chilled setting. Felt like a proper blom session and it had us longing to be home, reminding us of good times and mates. As the evening and my weekend ended, I got to see some photos of my friends at The Monument in Pretoria, where they had an Easter picnic, as well as Matt sending me a photo of the sunset at Sterkfontein Dam.  216632_4507057790327_29185345_n 299158_4507069910630_1783837879_n 625473_587519747926237_401570647_nPretoria-20130331-00715 Pretoria-20130331-00713 Pretoria-20130331-00712 Pretoria-20130331-00721 Pretoria-20130331-00717 Pretoria-20130331-00722 IMG-20130331-00615 Pretoria-20130331-00723 Pretoria-20130331-00726

A chilled Easter weekend, with so many special moments, all of them being wide and far apart, but in each setting it was just amazing to see Jesus there, and see the Fingerprint of Love that He leaves everywhere, in every beautiful situation. The Fingerprint of Love that He has left, as if dying on a cross for us just wasn’t enough.sterkfontein dam - matty

For God so loved the world, that He gave us His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3v16

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Time of Reflection for a Happy Spirit & Soul

Pretoria-20130320-00613 - Copy (2)Over the past weekend I went on a camp with my cell group (Bible Study group) and I came to the realization that I am slowly burning out. I’m always busy and trying to help someone , always running around trying to save the world, as if it would fall apart without me. But over the weekend I could feel God telling me it is time to take a few months, chill out, find the balance, be a little selfish and take time to focus on myself. It’s time for that internal reflection and a bit of ‘me’ time in His Presence. I was also told that by Mona and a few other friends who know me really well.

I keep getting this picture of being in Mozambique, by the waters, just chilling out in God’s amazing presence. And somehow Mozambique has come up a lot. So I am in the process of organising to stay there for a month with a friend, while I take in new scenery, new people and get away from all I know. So I am very excited.

On the note of taking it chilled and some time out, to reflect deeper in myself, our Easter holidays at varsity has started today. And basically my week became super chilled on Tuesday already. I got some time to see and hang out with Heinrich, who was here from Bloemfontein, with his mom and sister who had to be at the hospital. We went to Menlyn Mall, and had supper there. It was so good to chill and get out, doing a little catch up with a special friend and not have to rush off anywhere or whatever. I just loved the evening, and was told by him Mozambique would be a good idea, but I shouldn’t work while I’m there. I should just chill out. Anyway, it left me feeling extremely happy the next day. That I really am blessed with amazing people in my life. It was the first chill out, catch up session that I could just be…enjoy it without having to solve problems or it being completely about church or my studies, something I haven’t had in ages.

Then, yesterday, one of my really good spiritual brothers, sent me a message, saying we need to go for coffee. I was out of my skin, with excitement!!!! Jean had returned from being in Thailand for a year, two weeks ago – so I’m sure you could understand why I was excited. In that, I must add, God’s timing is perfect!!!! I soooo needed a coffee date with him, although I need to chill out, his conversations are often very spiritual, but soooo very chilled. And God really speaks to him, so when he asks me questions, it usually is what I’m thinking and asking God deep within me, and usually stuff God wants to bring up. But it isn’t all spiritual talk, it was chilled conversation too with lots of laughter. When I’m with him, I usually just am chilled. It’s like my spirit and soul just chill out and feel at home. Although he has done stuff in the past that I don’t agree with, since the first time I got to know him, we have had an incredible spiritual connection and he truly is a crazy cool spiritual brother to have.

He came to pick me up last night, and probably got the biggest hug ever when I saw him!!!! I actually feel tears when I think back to last night, I’m just in such a calm, happy place because of seeing him.  When I got into the car, after a few minutes of driving, he said to me, ‘God really loves you a lot, you know that?’ I thanked him but then he went on, ‘no, really, I can literally feel it. Being in your presence, in this car, I can feel how much God loves you.’ He was the second person in a matter of two days who had said this to me. When we got out the car, at the restaurant, he called me a name, someone else usually calls me – the same person, who had said the same thing about God loving me earlier that week. It was super weird, but I was loving it. It was good to connect with someone who understands and knows you so well, that it almost feels like they haven’t been gone for a year in a place halfway around the world! Later on in the evening, at the table, he was sitting smiling and smoking his cigarette, and I asked him what he was thinking, since he had such a huge grin on his face. His reply was just, ‘nah, it’s just this. This is really nice.’ I didn’t understand what he meant, so between my smile and frown he explained ‘In Thailand I was alert to the Holy Spirit and constantly tuned in, but I was tuned in to Spiritual Warfare and always ready to pick up on something that was wrong. But now, being in your presence and feeling how much God loves you. It is just awesome, to be picking up what is right and beautiful. I’ve missed this. Being able to chill with another person in the body of Christ.’ Anyway, so the rest of the night we discussed really serious topics and some really light ones, laughed a lot and also just chilled out.

So by the end of the night, my spirit and soul felt super mellow and happy! And this morning I still feel that. I feel so calm and mellow, and so incredibly happy. A feeling I haven’t felt since beginning February, where even there, I only felt it once or twice between utter chaos. So I’m loving every moment of this feeling and can’t wait for the rest of this time of reflection. My parents arrive today, then it’s a weekend on the farm in Potch, then a chilled week and for Easter I have the options of chilling out in Pretoria, or going to our farm in the Karoo or going to Onrus, in the Western Cape. So this really is a hopeful awesome time. And God is just blessing me so much and showering me with immense amounts of love. I truly feel blessed and am so thankful!!

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God’s Promises & Our Trials

16736_340729225612_4993481_nAt the end of last year, after having faced more trials in my year than there were weeks or even days, I was able to go home for a month. I headed back to the coast, where the sand, salt and sea could soothe my soul. My usual escape and place for clearing my head and finding healing in my heart. I was able to come to term with many things and also found peace. I was blessed enough to witness a close friend’s beautiful wedding, get good news from other friends of their engagements and spend time with people I had missed seeing during the year.

In that time though, all was going well and God made many promises, in my weeks of getting back to Pretoria, more promises were made by God in the midst of trials. But when you’re in the midst of trials, these promises can become blurry and everything can seem pretty darn negative if you ask me. He has made good promises about my happiness but others that only bring testing, and sometimes it can get really hard to hold onto those and to be positive about it all.

God promises many things, lots being about our happiness, but many times the things God promises can be less about happiness and more about testing. But this doesn’t make them less of a gift.

This morning God drew my attention to Mary. The promise that she would have a child was both a blessing and a test.  I’m pretty sure she suffered a lot of rejection from family and friends because of this pregnancy out of wedlock, and then she still had to watch her son go to the cross. In our terms this would be quite a messy situation but from God’s perspective it was a Divine Intervention that would end up saving the world and her suffering would give way to blessing.

How hard it is in the midst of a trial to see any light at the end of the tunnel? How hard must it have been for Mary to watch her child suffer on the cross? Was she so faithful that she waited in expectancy for His resurrection? Or was she too sad or worried to even think? I mean, if it were me, in the midst of sadness and worry, I hardly eat and my mind doesn’t switch off, imagine being her. Or even yourself, in whatever trial you may be facing at the moment.

When God makes us a promise, the only thing we can do is hold on to it. Even in the face of doubt and pain, we have to hold on tight to what we were promised.  When we suffer, like Mary had, we have to keep our minds focused on the things we have heard from God. We have to be clear about who or what we will believe – our eyes or God’s promises.

No matter what life throws at us, not people or things, we can find a deep peace in knowing that God’s will is perfect and that He never lets anything happen to us unless it will bring good and Him glory. When His glory becomes our number one goal, we know we having nothing to fear when trials hit. When we choose to courageously look suffering in the eyes and say, “God’s will be done,” our faith will be a rock to stand on and we will find relief where others only find agony.

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Cherishing A New Day, Week and People

It is a brand new day and I am super excited for the rest of this week. Today I get to see Liela… we need a little catch up time. Haven’t seen each other in just over a month due to funerals and exams and just both being crazily busy. So the last time we saw each other was our time at Aroma. So to this morning’s coffee and catch up session I am looking forward. It is always a blessing and fun, lots of stories, laughter and giggling as well as gratefulness along with it all. She is such a loving person – so I am just thrilled.

Then the rest of the week will get interesting. Just consisting of some work, going to the zoo in Johannesburg and a few other places, seeing Ani hopefully, intense gym sessions, an engineering end year function on Saturday for Mari and I and then spending a day with Heinrich, Karen, Ingrid and Aunty Valencia as we go watch Bernhard’s show at the Botanical Gardens. So this week is a little busy but also pretty relaxed. The week has been going well so far and God just continues to bless me which I really am thankful for. It really is a good time.

And then, today, it is Mona’s birthday! So, I am super stoked for her and wishing her a beautiful birthday. I hope it will be a very special one filled with many blessings. She really deserves an incredible day as she has been such an amazing support to me in my life and to so many others. I cherish our friendship so much and our incredible moments of sharing our hearts with each other on whatsapp while she’s at work and on the weekends when I get to see her. So to Mona, Happy Birthday, may it be incredible and we love you lots.

Xx

M

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Indescribable Affirmation

September comes to a close and I thought I would share with you a last few thoughts. September is International Childhood Cancer Month which is coming to an end but in these past few weeks God has really put them on my heart and made it clear that is where He wants me to be. Helping, loving and serving them, the kids and their families.

2 days ago, my second day of Dollar a Day was drawing to a close, and I still had to attend the Passion Conference in Pretoria at 7pm. By that time I was hungry and tired, not at all in the mood anymore. But as Chris Tomlin started to play God brought up the story in my head, that I had heard when I was still in high school, of a similar artist, Jeremy Camp who had married his first wife Melissa while she had cancer and passed away a few months after. That thought quickly passed, while we were worshiping I experienced a sense of overwhelming love and joy. While busy with worship, an intense and OVERWHELMING peace came over me, rushing through my veins as if someone had just put me on a drip of peace, I could feel the tingle of God’s peace running through my veins spreading to every part of my body. The peace came over me as I looked up to the sky at the stars which had felt so far away. As we sang the chorus of INDESCRIBABLE, “Indescribable, uncontainable, You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name, You are amazing God, All powerful, untameable, Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim, You are amazing God, You are amazing God..” I looked up at the stars again and suddenly the felt close enough to touch…. They were so extremely bright and so close. As I leaned closer, looking and wanting to touch them, each one seemed to reveal a face of a child inside that light…it felt like each star was a different child that Jesus so dearly loves and knows by the name, He was able to name each one I touched. While this was happening, I could feel my body and voice praising God at the top of my lungs, yet everyone’s singing and joy felt like background music while this was happening.

After that, Louie Giglio gave a great message from God, while he was doing that, I was sitting on a blanket next to Marine and Gerhard listening to Louie Giglio, but it felt as if I was sitting on a cloud next to God and between His stars, listening to this message. It really felt like God was enjoying watching this and I was just in awe, as God kept reassuring me through Louie Giglio’s message that He wants me to work with these kids at CANSA TLC. I could feel God smiling  next to me pointing to Louie Giglio as if to say, “See? I hope you’re listening. See? Uh-huh. Hmm. See? You can do it.  See? You can do what I need you to do. You see? Don’t doubt. I’ve called you by name, to carry My Name. Just like each of these stars have names and a purpose, so do you.” It kept going on, affirmation after affirmation. He just kept assuring me of what He wants me to do, but so gently, lovingly and with such excitement. As if He knows it is where I need to go to experience some challenges and growth while serving Him and lifting up His Holy Name.  He kept assuring me that if He is for me then nothing could stand against me, like He’s got this – I’ve just got to go do as He says and He’ll take care of the rest. The rest of the night I praised Him and worshiped, with renewed energy and INDESCRIBABLE in my heart the next two days. I felt like I was floating on that same cloud the rest of Wednesday night and Thursday morning when I woke up I still felt in a daze, I was quiet and just left in awe, unable to say much and feeling irritated when people spoke to me as I couldn’t get out of the daze. I felt like I was drunk on the Holy Spirit but it was amazing. Since then though, I have felt at such peace about working with kids who have Cancer. I even shared the feeling of really wanting to work with the kids, with my sister and even she said she thinks I should do it and that I would enjoy it and really serve well. For her to have said that, was even more confirmation, as my sister is truly honest about what she thinks and knows me so well, I trust and believe in her opinion, so that meant so much to me.

So I feel confident and assured that this is what I should do for God, as He answered every question and doubt in me with an affirmation and word of belief in me. It really is the greatest feeling that words can hardly get close to describing. It truly is INDESCRIBABLE.

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These were also a few words & scriptures from God that were shared with me as I prayed on Thursday:

Psalm 62v1 – Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from Him.

Deuteronomy 16v15 – For seven days celebrate the festival to the Lord your God at the place the Lord will choose. For the Lord your God will bless you in all your harvest and in all the work of your hands, and your joy will be complete.

Exodus 33v14 – The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

1 Peter 5v7 – Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

Matthew 6v8 – Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.

Psalm 23v1 – The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.

John 14v27 – Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Psalm 31v15 – My times are in Your Hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me.

Psalm 33v11 – But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations.

Proverbs 2v6 – For the Lord gives wisdom, and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Deuteronomy 2v29 – But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you look for Him with all your heart and with all your soul.

Psalm 27v1 – The Lord is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?

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