Jean: Emotion clouds spirit. Love is not an emotion.
Michelle: I just don’t understand God’s commands towards your brother. I don’t understand why it is my place to do this job or what exactly my place is in this. Why isn’t he rather asking you to do this? I mean you know him better, you’re his brother and he’ll listen to you. I mean, I have no clue what I’m doing here and it is confusing me and making me feel unsure about myself and I don’t feel half as bold and confident as I usually do?! I feel blind. Like I’m in a dark room which is totally pitch black, and it’s as if God is expecting me to just rearrange it. I just don’t understand this.
I know love isn’t an emotion. I mean, I’m still doing exactly what God has asked and still will carry on doing it. It’s just I don’t understand.
Michelle: What must I FOCUS on?!!!! Gee, God also just said that to me!
Jean: Why does it bother you so much to be lead by God? Yes, the world is a dark room. That’s why we have a shepherd. Because alone things won’t work. It is not your responsibility to help Him, you’re just a tool. God is going to bless you. Come now. Stop looking at the dark room and focusing on that. That is the enemy.
Michelle: It is because I don’t know where He’s leading me with this one…Usually I can put a few of the puzzle pieces together…but with this one..this time.. I can’t. And it is making me feel vulnerable and unsure because I don’t know if I’m doing anything right. Am I even hearing Him correctly? I just don’t understand what He’s trying to achieve with all this…
Jean: Does a kid know where the food comes from in the evening when he has supper? Or his sandwiches at lunch? No, all he knows is that his father loves him and provides for him. The rest doesn’t matter.
Michelle: Gosh, you and God, both know me too well.
Jean: God knows you too well.
Jean: So are you gonna chill now or carry on running around like a headless chicken???? I’m just asking (he says while laughing).
I don’t know.
Michelle: Well, I was crying but now I’m laughing at how ridiculous you’re being and sounding! Thanks!
Jean: Pleasure. And you’re the one who is being ridiculous.
That’s how one of my conversations went down this morning with one of my really close spiritual brothers. We were talking about God and I was constantly referring to a situation God is busy using me in with Jean’s brother.
Jean truly is a great spiritual brother. I’m blessed to have him in my life. And it is in times like these that I really am thankful to God for such a great spiritual brother and just insanely in awe of how God knows exactly what each of His children need.
Anyway, I think there are so many times that we feel like I did this morning. When God has given us instruction to do something, and at first we run into it without asking questions, 100% full on faith. Then some things happen and slowly the enemy brings in that doubt trying to shake your faith or take your focus away from the One who is perfect and the task at hand and tries to turn it to all that could go wrong and so forth. As if you need to be the one controlling the details and not God, as if God hasn’t got the plan down and you need to start changing it, making you question God’s authority, the same way the enemy once did.
But luckily, in the body of Christ there are so many different parts and functions. When you’re so tuned into God, there will be times that you have a little bit of a panic attack as the enemy tries to make you waver… but God blesses us, and He uses other functioning parts that are deeply tuned into Him as well, to help steer you back. It is in these times that I look back at that conversation and feel a little dumb for ever doubting in His plan and a little embarrassed. But it is also then, that I come to the realisation of just how amazing His grace is upon us, that He remains faithful and loving towards me, even in my doubt. That He loves me so much that He would try and steer me back to Him and all I have to do is take His hand as He stretches it out.
So in these times, whether He uses another person to steer you back or not, you have to focus your eyes on Him. Go back to the task He set you out to do, not because He needs you, but because He loves you and wants to use you as a tool in that situation. Don’t doubt in His reasoning for using you or how He’s going to make everything work out, because He knows the details and He’s got all that down. It isn’t about you or what you can do. It is about Him and what He is doing or going to do. You’re just a tool in His hands. So don’t let the enemy try and waver you with dumb lies, he is only doing it because he knows how great God’s outcome can be and he despises any good outcome. So don’t get distracted by the details and the lies fed by the enemy. God put a plan together a long time ago and He knows every piece that needs to be fitted into the puzzle that He created, just carry on focusing on Him and being part of that puzzle.
Just go back to the task at hand, keep your eyes focused on the Lord and trust Him. He’s got it all down.
Funny enough, another friend, Henru, sent me the following verse, the evening before this conversation would go down with Jean:
Let us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, whom our faith depends on from beginning to end. He did not give up because of the cross! On the contrary, because of the joy that was waiting for Him, He thought nothing of the disgrace of dying on the cross, and He is now seated at the right side of God’s throne. (Hebrews 12v2)
So as Jean would say, “FOCUS!” So stay focused and don’t stress about the outcome, just enjoy and stay focused on being the tool in God’s amazing hands.