Posts Tagged With: trust

The Tool in His hands

Jean: Emotion clouds spirit. Love is not an emotion.

Michelle: I just don’t understand God’s commands towards your brother. I don’t understand why it is my place to do this job or what exactly my place is in this. Why isn’t he rather asking you to do this? I mean you know him better, you’re his brother and he’ll listen to you. I mean, I have no clue what I’m doing here and it is confusing me and making me feel unsure about myself and I don’t feel half as bold and confident as I usually do?! I feel blind. Like I’m in a dark room which is totally pitch black, and it’s as if God is expecting me to just rearrange it. I just don’t understand this.

I know love isn’t an emotion. I mean, I’m still doing exactly what God has asked and still will carry on doing it. It’s just I don’t understand.


Michelle: What must I FOCUS on?!!!! Gee, God also just said that to me!

Jean:  Why does it bother you so much to be lead by God? Yes, the world is a dark room. That’s why we have a shepherd. Because alone things won’t work.  It is not your responsibility to help Him, you’re just a tool. God is going to bless you. Come now. Stop looking at the dark room and focusing on that. That is the enemy.

Michelle: It is because I don’t know where He’s leading me with this one…Usually I can put a few of the puzzle pieces together…but with this one..this time.. I can’t. And it is making me feel vulnerable and unsure because I don’t know if I’m doing anything right. Am I even hearing Him correctly? I just don’t understand what He’s trying to achieve with all this…

Jean: Does a kid know where the food comes from in the evening when he has supper? Or his sandwiches at lunch? No, all he knows is that his father loves him and provides for him. The rest doesn’t matter.

Michelle: Gosh, you and God, both know me too well.

Jean: God knows you too well.

Michelle: Yeah…

Jean: So are you gonna chill now or carry on running around like a headless chicken???? I’m just asking (he says while laughing).



Swimming pool.




I don’t know.

Michelle: Well, I was crying but now I’m laughing at how ridiculous you’re being and sounding! Thanks!

Jean: Pleasure. And you’re the one who is being ridiculous.


That’s how one of my conversations went down this morning with one of my really close spiritual brothers. We were talking about God and I was constantly referring to a situation God is busy using me in with Jean’s brother.

Jean truly is a great spiritual brother. I’m blessed to have him in my life. And it is in times like these that I really am thankful to God for such a great spiritual brother and just insanely in awe of how God knows exactly what each of His children need.

Anyway, I think there are so many times that we feel like I did this morning. When God has given us instruction to do something, and at first we run into it without asking questions, 100% full on faith. Then some things happen and slowly the enemy brings in that doubt trying to shake your faith or take your focus away from the One who is perfect and the task at hand and tries to turn it to all that could go wrong and so forth. As if you need to be the one controlling the details and not God, as if God hasn’t got the plan down and you need to start changing it, making you question God’s authority, the same way the enemy once did.

But luckily, in the body of Christ there are so many different parts and functions. When you’re so tuned into God, there will be times that you have a little bit of a panic attack as the enemy tries to make you waver… but God blesses us, and He uses other functioning parts that are deeply tuned into Him as well, to help steer you back. It is in these times that I look back at that conversation and feel a little dumb for ever doubting in His plan and a little embarrassed. But it is also then, that I come to the realisation of just how amazing His grace is upon us, that He remains faithful and loving towards me, even in my doubt. That He loves me so much that He would try and steer me back to Him and all I have to do is take His hand as He stretches it out.

So in these times, whether He uses another person to steer you back or not, you have to focus your eyes on Him. Go back to the task He set you out to do, not because He needs you, but because He loves you and wants to use you as a tool in that situation. Don’t doubt in His reasoning for using you or how He’s going to make everything work out, because He knows the details and He’s got all that down. It isn’t about you or what you can do. It is about Him and what He is doing or going to do. You’re just a tool in His hands. So don’t let the enemy try and waver you with dumb lies, he is only doing it because he knows how great God’s outcome can be and he despises any good outcome.  So don’t get distracted by the details and the lies fed by the enemy. God put a plan together a long time ago and He knows every piece that needs to be fitted into the puzzle that He created, just carry on focusing on Him and being part of that puzzle.

Just go back to the task at hand, keep your eyes focused on the Lord and trust Him. He’s got it all down.

Funny enough, another friend, Henru, sent me the following verse, the evening before this conversation would go down with Jean:

Let us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, whom our faith depends on from beginning to end. He did not give up because of the cross! On the contrary, because of the joy that was waiting for Him, He thought nothing of the disgrace of dying on the cross, and He is now seated at the right side of God’s throne. (Hebrews 12v2)

So as Jean would say, “FOCUS!” So stay focused and don’t stress about the outcome, just enjoy and stay focused on being the tool in God’s amazing hands.

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Seen & Unseen Roads

A weekend away to Bloemfontein with a crazy wacky friend of mine was irreplaceable. We had so much fun just driving in the car and going crazy, never mind the part where we were actually in Bloemfontein.

On our way there, Friday evening, leaving after work. We were already half tired before the road trip began and then we got caught in traffic, taking 45 minutes to move about 1 km due to an accident on the high way. After that we got caught in huge amounts of rain, it felt like we were cruising along in Noah’s ark, and there were road works, at places there were no lines on the road, there were dead animals, trucks, we were dodging potholes and it was dark… Somehow the trip of getting to Bloem felt endlessly long and it didn’t ever feel like we were making any progress.

On our way back on Sunday though, we left during the day and it was still light during our trip back. The trip felt way shorter even though neither Joalet or I were ready to come back yet. But it is because we could see where we were going and that places changed and there were a lot more signs on our way back. Sometimes the signs were scary, because you now knew more about the road you were travelling than we did before, some signs like ‘high accident zone’ left us with mixed feelings…We didn’t know whether we should feel good about being informed or scared because now we were…think we could have gone on without that sign and I was left feeling like I’d rather be driving in the dark again with less signs, not having to know what is to come.

It just made me realize, that it is great when you can see what is coming and what lies ahead. When God lets you know what is going on and there is light around, when you’re able to do things with confidence because you can see. But sometimes, the darkness can be just as much a blessing. The fact that we don’t always know what is around the next turn and there is only God to lead us, is great. Because we end up having to trust Him and that He knows exactly what will and will not be good for us. There are reasons why He doesn’t always let us see what happens next, because sometimes we aren’t ready for it or it will do us more harm… it may leave us feeling confused or scared so instead He keeps it dark, taking our hand and leading us on. When we know He’s there, we walk confidently beside Him, and suddenly it is easier in the dark, because we don’t have to know what is coming – He does and that is alright.

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Where there is trust, there is love. Where there is love, there is peace. Where there is peace. there is God. And where God is, nothing else is needed.Riamien

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All I Desire…

About a month ago I went to Jo’burg in hopes of having coffee with a few new friends who play for the Lions. That Tuesday we had experienced snow all over the country & then that Wednesday I was back in Jo’burg to see Liz, have coffee & also go watch a movie with a friend.

Although I had an awesome day I had an even more humbling experience with Liz that night as she shared her heart with me. But as we spoke she shared a question with me that God had given her which really seemed to challenge her & as soon as she had shared it, I found it was something that had come up in my journey of late with God too & it challenged me greatly as I didn’t know how to answer that. The question was: “I can be all you need, but am I really all you want?” Liz & I both struggled to answer and felt guilty because of it. We had both experienced heart ache in relationships that were broken with guys, hers only a few months ago and mine nearly a year ago. Although we didn’t mind being single, we both really wanted someone to love & someone to share with one day. We both want to have a husband one day or a family but suddenly we were feeling guilty for wanting that. We both considered the fact that God says, ‘seek Him first and all shall be added unto you,’  but that means desire Him first and He will add all the desires unto you later (according to His Will obviously). But with the question He had both challenged us with, made it seem that He wants us all to Himself – so are we really to desire other things as well?

In a prayer of mine a few weeks ago, after that challenging question, I was up to being honest with myself: God could be all I needed, but He wasn’t all I wanted. I wished He was, but at that point He really wasn’t. My focus at that time had been guys, especially with this year of being single nearly being up.

Now, after all these weeks, and especially after Saturday night (my parents and friends attended my 21st party), I can honestly say God took me on a journey and I have gotten to a place where I honestly ONLY WANT HIM. My whole being desires Him. But it doesn’t just happen; the four week journey really was a hectic one. It had many up’s and down’s. I’ve seen how with some guys I’ve focused on friendship like for example some of the rugby guys. I’ve just tried to be a friend, getting to know them and constantly praying for them, whether or not they knew it, I have been on my knees daily in prayer for them. Then, there has been another person, with whom I haven’t done that. This person had been flirting with me and I really thought he was a genuine nice guy, it did look like we were going somewhere but at the same time, he didn’t seem like he would ever ask me out, and some of the things he had asked me to do, I’d said no to and just really bothered me. It’s weird to see how faithful God is in this. I always try hoping and seeing the best in others no matter the circumstance, but every time I did this, there was still this weary feeling inside me about this guy & that something just didn’t add up. In prayer, I took this to the Lord and that things were bothering me about him but I still wasn’t sure, maybe I’m being weary for nothing – I mean, he did say sorry a few times for things. But after the weekend I had had, God has just been so faithful. This weekend I was left extremely disappointed by this person’s actions and character traits and I was extremely irritated and sad. Many of the guys living with me came to my rescue trying to cheer me up, but I think it was just because this person seemed great one on one but in a group he wasn’t at all who I had thought him to be.

Chris, my friend and the new youth pastor at the church had prayed and said such beautiful things at my birthday, but most of all, I told him about my disappointment and also told him that I had learnt ANYONE could disappoint me but so far God hasn’t and that I have come to a place where I am so grateful of what God has done and showed me and that He really does know best. Chris then also added something his mom always said, “We have feet made of clay.” He then explained, that as much as this person has disappointed me, anyone even the best people we know will disappoint us. Not only that, but I’m sure I have disappointed many people and I truly am sorry, be it when I’ve known or not, it has never been my intentions.

But from this whole story and journey, I am beyond excitement! I really cannot wait to see what lies ahead. I have made such good friends and met such stand up guys that play rugby and although they seem to doubt in themselves, through being on my knees and praying for them, God has shown me who they truly are and how He loves them even though some of them haven’t spoken to me half as much as others. I am at a place where all I want IS God and I truly desire Him and make a daily choice to follow Him. God is so faithful, and He knows our worries and things that bother us, and when we share those thoughts with Him – He comes through for us and protects us. When we are unsure, He shows us taking away any doubt in our minds. He is faithful; we just need to trust that.

Categories: Pursuing Faith, Pursuing Hope, Pursuing Life, Pursuing Love | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Seeds of faith

I was planting seeds in our garden as the girls want herbs and flowers to make our garden look prettier.

And as I was watering them just yesterday, I was reminded of Angus Buchan’s faith like potatoes. I mean, you can’t see the potatoes but you need to hope they’ll be there when it is time to harvest. The same with these flower seeds, everyday I have to water them and hope that they will come. More than anything, I can’t see them but I know they are there and daily with watering them I test my faith, believing in what I can’t see and putting my hope in that they will appear in due time. Putting my trust and faith in that, going out in faith and trusting that watering them will bring them up out of the ground.

In the same way, I have to trust God daily. I can’t see Him, I can’t hear Him but I’m sure He is there. Everyday is a struggle but I have faith that He will be there. If I can trust flowers will come up from seeds, then why not trust the One who created even those seeds?!

Just some food for thought….

Categories: Pursuing Faith, Pursuing Hope, Pursuing Life | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Categories: Pursuing Faith, Pursuing Hope | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

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