In 10 days since my last post so many things have happened. There have been laughs, fights, tears and so much more.
My friend, Liz, sent me a message to say that her boyfriend had broken up with her over the long weekend over skype while he is sitting overseas. Anyway, the whole situation got very messy. He not only emailed her with hurtful things to say but also her parents with a million different excuses and the pastors of the church. She was extremely upset because it all was very unexpected and out of the blue, he kept saying he had been faking it all and it was her own fault that she was hurting. Instead of admitting to his wrongs, he was shifting the blame to her. It really was terrible and cowardly. Luckily on Thursday afternoon, after she had seen me reading Isaiah 55 in class, God appeared to her in a vision. He said so many things that she had read in Isaiah 54 and that I had thought about Isaiah 54 would relate to her. He just said He would build her up stronger than before and that her pain would be used to help others. It really was beautiful. I really did sob when I heard that He had appeared to her.
Last week though, on Wednesday, Deo-Dane picked me up to take me to the school she teaches at. She said she felt God say she should take me with. So she did that although it took a lot of convincing as I really was not up to teaching high school kids some sort of math… She ended up showing me she works with Potato Foundation. She goes to different schools in rural areas and takes them whatever is needed to keep their school going and the kids happy and then she teaches them about God and sings songs and so on. The coolest job in the world!!! It was exactly what I needed that day because I still had to tell my parents that I’d be doing an extra year of studies. I hadn’t told them yet, because I was stressing out about their reaction. Luckily, I spoke to Deo and she got me motivated. She spoke to me about Isaiah 55 and how there is a purpose with everything. She also just gave testimony to the fact that if she hadn’t messed up with her studies God wouldn’t have put her where she is now. That even though everything is chaos and I may have messed up, God has the bigger picture can use anything to work for good. When I got home after working with Deo, I mailed my parents the news and all the things Deo had said. That evening we had a streetbraai with all our neighbours and my parents sent me a message which surprised me. They were very supportive and understanding. It really meant a lot.
So over this past weekend, after a week of classes and supporting my friend Liz, my heart would get hurt too. I went on facebook the evening before bed. I went off and suddenly I decided I should go back on facebook. I had a feeling I shouldn’t but I did it anyway. To my utter disappointment I was confronted with a photo of my ex and one of our friends. We had worked on the same committee. So I asked my friend Elicia what was going on and whether they were dating. She said yes. I didn’t mind until she told me they had already been dating 5 days and quite a few of our mutual friends knew. I was upset. Horribly upset because I had to find out from a friend and was ‘nearly’ last to know and because he had seen me everyday since Wednesday in which he had countless opportunities to tell me. It was horrible. I cried for a long while and luckily for my two roommates and sister being at home. They comforted me and opened up a wine bottle. Not the best thing to do when upset – note to self:choose chocolate in times of pain – it’s yummy & doesn’t cause hangovers. Sunday I spent the day with Freddy & Shikara. Went for lunch and watched Avengers (awesome movies!)
I spoke to my friend Liz about it too and she said the following to me which is so true: “I’m beginning to realise that the world is seriously lacking men who are bold enough to be MEN..and we as women suffer the consequences terribly. Why can’t they just be men? Just brave enough to admit their faults instead of blaming other people for their own weaknesses, we as the women have to carry the role of men that we shouldn’t have to. Burdens that are not ours to carry.” It was true and is true. I got a thousand excuses from my ex about the horrible way in which he had handled this.
Monday Tammy & Mari (Wassie) went with me to shop for a dress for a 21st over the weekend but they also helped me find an outfit for Deo’s birthday on Tuesday night. It would be my first night out at an event where my ex and his girlfriend would be and the girls wanted me to look “HOT”. We had lots of fun and then had a great supper together.
Tuesday evening came and I was nervous as anything about Deo’s birthday dinner because it would be my ‘coming out’ night. I was freaking out about having to face my ex and his gf. I was super nervous. Everyone I know and all the girls in my house were giving me pep talks and trying to motivate me. They did my hair and helped where ever they can. Tammy who was feeling sick even went to be my ‘wingwoman’ incase I needed her and couldn’t handle it. The girls really were worried. Everybody said I should just take a really hot guy with. I wanted to but no guy could come and I didn’t want a guy to go with me because of that, I wanted a guy to go with me because he wanted to. I also needed to face it on my own. I mean, what if I bumped into them somewhere else and I didn’t have a guy with me, then what? I needed to know I could handle it on my own, it was just way too easy for me to hide behind some guy. When I got to the restaurant I walked in with them sitting at the table facing the door. I had to take a deep breath for a second there. But the rest of the night I felt this immense peace and confidence come over me and it really went well. I even said hi and congratulated them and everything was fine. Last night I saw them again at a concert and I was fine. So through all the tears, everything worked out.
So what I am trying to say is, many times we underestimate ourselves and others do to. But just try the things you want to, even if the obstacles or tasks look daunting. You may just surprise yourself. And trust me, it really feels great to see what you actually achieve when you believe in yourself and prove yourself.
Dancing In The Wind 