Posts Tagged With: sex

Sex & the Seal of Marriage…continued

flowersAfter my previous post on sex and the seal of marriage, there are a few things I’d like to say. I know how I felt when I was a virgin…I felt worthy and like I deserved a virgin for a husband… But after that, after being ‘deflowered’ by a guy whom I thought loved me and we’d end up together…when that all came crashing down and I was left alone… I felt dirty and ashamed and stupid and not worthy of anything. My worth had gone from worthy to worthless in about a few seconds. I felt like I wouldn’t ever be accepted or loved and would not ever deserve anything amazing, good or beautiful and that broke my heart and tore me apart…Guess that’s what Satan enjoys doing…

Anyway, as I said before, God calls us to “save ourselves” for the person we marry and to not get involved physically with another man before that.  It is something precious, sacred, and a seal for the covenant of marriage.  I believe that God asks us to wait for our benefit.  Not to keep us from something amazing, but to keep us from heartache and pain and any sort of destruction.

So before – when I was still a virgin – I had remained pure for the sake of the covenant and in doing so I felt entitled to finding someone who had done the same. In my mind I came to expect and think that I deserved someone who had saved himself for me.  However, I now feel it was wrong of me to think in this way. I’m not saying it was wrong to desire that or for someone to desire that, I think that is something God desires for us too.  However, when we come to find ourselves not just desiring, but deserving and feeling entitled to such a thing that’s when a little flag should be raised. I mean it is only by the grace of God that you have not found yourself giving into sexual sin. We are all sinners and we all make mistakes. Any good that we do and any obedience that we have done, is by God’s grace and mercy, therefore we deserve nothing and we are entitled to nothing. God told Hosea to marry a prostitute and I honestly don’t think that is what he desired most. But it was through their relationship that God showed His redemption and mercy. You (and I) are called to forgive and called to love. And most importantly you are called to humble ourselves with gratitude that God has protected you from falling into sexual immorality before marriage. It is by God’s grace alone.

After that, I unfortunately did fall into sexual sin and I wish I hadn’t. Since then, I have gone through many motions of self-pity and doubt and just feeling unworthy but I had to come to the realization that it wasn’t too late. So for those of you who have already given into sexual sin, it is NOT too late. You have not ruined your chances to marry a godly man who honours and lives for the Lord. You can repent and in all honesty your slate will be wiped clean. There will be no speck of it anywhere in your record.  And there is that beautiful thing about forgiveness, those who have been forgiven much, love much. There are amazing men out there who will look at you only as God looks at you – clean, without blemish, a bride to be won. Run to the feet of Jesus because He makes it all possible.raindance

I, myself have a friend who gave herself to a man before she was married. Through growing in her relationship with the Lord she found that what she had been doing was wrong. Through tears of remorse she fell down at the feet of Jesus and repented only to find that she was forgiven immensely and she was made new. A few years later she met the man she was going to marry. He was the worship leader at his church, God honouring, good looking, and an amazing man full of life. She felt like she didn’t deserve him. But when he had heard of her past and saw the woman she was now, he wept with her and forgave her and gladly with all his heart married her. Sex under the covenant was as if it was the first time. He loved her like Christ loved the church. And you can experience that as well. So instead of feeling sorry for yourself, instead of wallowing in shame and despair – the way I did for quite a long time – look to God, see His forgiveness, and believe that He makes you new. A godly marriage is possible for you, and for each one of us because of the amazing love and grace of Him who loves us most.

So remember it’s all by grace…

Categories: Pursuing Hope, Pursuing Life, Pursuing Love | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sex & the Seal of Marriage

seal1Sex….okay, so this is always a heated topic to talk about. Discussing it can be fun or funny or awkward or terrifying, all depending on whom you have the discussion with. I’m pretty used to having this discussion with ladies and very different groups but the other day though, I got to discuss it pretty openly with a guy…a Christian friend. We just discussed our feelings about it and what exactly our views are on the whole sex issue…It really was cool getting a guy’s opinion and together coming to some pretty cool conclusions. He seems to be a lot better at explaining than I am at times and the discussion ended up being very constructive.

*I’m gonna say a few things about sex further on in the post. But this was just a discussion we had and our opinions of it. In no way are we judging anyone who is or isn’t a virgin, as neither of us have any authority to judge anyone. And please do not use the following opinions to judge others and make people feel bad or as if they have failed, or in any sense what they deserve and do not deserve. I don’t agree with having sex before marriage, and I say that from a point of view of the mistakes and choices I have made in my past.

Firstly, God calls us to “save ourselves” for the person we marry and to not get involved physically with another man before that.  It is something precious, sacred, and a seal for the covenant of marriage.  I believe that God asks us to wait for our benefit.  Not to keep us from something amazing, but to keep us from heartache and pain and any sort of destruction.

Obviously, my friend asked me what I thought about it….and my answer – God calls us to “save ourselves” for the person we marry and to not get involved physically with another man before that.  It is something precious, sacred, and a seal for the covenant of marriage.  I believe that God asks us to wait for our benefit.  Not to keep us from something amazing, but to keep us from heartache and pain and any sort of destruction. But in spite of this fact I myself have made some mistakes. Although sex can be amazing and fun and a super beautiful thing – sex before marriage isn’t for me….something about it just doesn’t feel right in my soul. Like sadness fills me as well as a dirty feeling and even panic. So it doesn’t feel right in my spirit and soul and I don’t know how to explain that… I just know, a lot of guys just don’t seem to understand that or respect that about me at all… a lot of them will say they do, until they start using lines like –“if you really loved me though, you’d sleep with me…” So it doesn’t sit well in my soul and neither does it for my friend. For us, it’s just because it feels like it gets between us and God. That when you’re doing that kind of stuff, it just feels like the gap between us and God gets bigger, as if it interferes with our relationship with Him.

Anyway, he then proceeded to explain to me how he sees sex in the light of marriage and God, and it is the way I feel in my soul. So I’m gonna try explain this one.

God created sex and it is a beautiful and precious thing. When two people have sex, they become one, in their bodies and more importantly their spirit. God created it to be under His covenant, marriage, like a seal He puts on it. This protects it, if I can kinda explain it like that. So when it isn’t under marriage and you sleep with someone, it kinda leaves your spirits – that have become one, open for trouble and the enemy. It leaves the door open for ATTACK. The two spirits which have become one fall under attack by the enemy, also in a sense start attacking each other. Some, including us both, can say that, you begin to notice how you take on your partner’s characteristics or personality traits. For example, your partner may have been very insecure and you weren’t. Suddenly you who never felt insecure, is acting more insecure… and because the your partner doesn’t know that person to be so insecure and needy, fighting takes place and slowly the relationship seems to crumble…the same may happen with jealousy and any other traits. Traits that may not have been there before are suddenly coming up and becoming a terrible problem, turning something beautiful into something a lot less beautiful. So without the seal protecting it, the enemy has open access to pretty much anything he wants. And as we know the enemy, he’s gonna take just about everything he wants. He will destroy anything beautiful, every piece ‘til there is nothing left. And what’s even more horrific is that the more, different people are slept with the more crazy it can become, as you’re picking up pieces of other people and their possible past relationships…

Under God’s seal of marriage, however, when those two spirits become one, there may be attack, but there’s more of a refuge and safeguard making a relationship stronger and both more able to fight back as one than those millions of other pieces. Nothing that is broken can outlast a fight against the enemy, and if it seems to, it comes with a whole lot more pain than there needs to be. Whereas something strong, protected by armour, stands way more chance in the battlefield against the enemy than something hurt and broken…ring2

This is just how we see it, and it is amazing how God’s grace comes in here as well. Because even if one or both partners have shared other beds before marriage…if one or both, depending on the situation, go before God and repent and break off all those old ties, by grace, He can renew it and He can build a relationship up from there onward.

Categories: Pursuing Life, Pursuing Love | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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