Intimidated… But Smiling Anyway

ImageAfter more than a year of remaining single, I went on my first date yesterday…. It sounds pretty great and it was. It wasn’t something I had seen coming at all. We have been chatting for about 3 weeks now and the first phone call I got from him was before we had started talking and to me it was very out of the blue. Since the first phone call, we have chatted a lot or pretty much around the same time every evening. Lots of the conversations were deep and something I’d keep confidential but a lot were also full of jokes and laughter. We seem to be very comfortable in our friendship that has grown these past few weeks, a friendship that came from a place not expected by me or him. We seem to have a lot in common but we also do challenge each other’s opinions and views in life which is pretty cool.

He drove a few hours from a place quite a while a way from Pretoria, and only confirmed to see me on Monday, the Sunday evening at like 11pm. He had told me a week before that he was coming to Pretoria, but nothing was set in stone – or at least not in my books anyway. On Sunday evening, I went to bed with butterflies and not sure what to wear (I sound like such a girl), and I had asked two friend’s opinions. But not knowing if it is JUST lunch or a date makes it even more stressful and confusing. I don’t like be uncertain about things – it stresses me out.

Monday morning, I had a conversation with Elicia, and she helped me figure out what to do and chatted to me for hours, calming me down but also going wild of excitement. We both ended up coming to the conclusion of a sundress and then how my hair and everything else would be. I could dress up, but try remaining casual enough for lunch. Driving to lunch to meet him, my nerves were finished and I felt like vomiting. Before hand, my whole house of friends were making jokes and clarifying the fact that this could indeed be a date, no matter how much I was trying to convince myself it wasn’t  It is just too intimidating to think of it that way. Luckily, when I hoped into his car and had greeted him and everything, I immediately felt at ease – thank goodness.

We went to lunch at Wimpy – people would say that is cheap, but honestly, I was super stoked – I’m a Wimpy fan! Haha, makes me feel like I’m back at home at the coast. He insisted on paying for lunch – very gentlemen like of him. But lunch was so much fun!!! We talked about a few deep things but also made a lot of jokes and had fun laughing. I even got him to blush, which was fun to watch. After lunch we went to another mall, the only one he knows in Pretoria and has heard of. We went to go watch a movie, which again, he insisted on paying for. Afterwards, we were still full of jokes but got more serious when he dropped me off at home, at like 6pm. Anyway, overall it was great!

But, afterwards, after being asked millions of questions when I got into the house by everyone, I was left a little confused, unsure and intimidated. Confused, because he didn’t once say he likes me but he did say he’ll see me again sometime (he does live far away and leaves on Wednesday again). Also confused and unsure, because he did many things (that I didn’t completely cover in this post) that made it seem and feel like a date but because he didn’t verbally state anything and only did with his actions… And intimidated – by him and this whole situation, intimidated by uncertainty and the fact that only time can tell, intimidated by my own feelings.

Last night I gave it up in prayer again, as I did yesterday morning before this ‘date’. As I don’t know what to do with this and because I don’t know what he thinks, I’ve had to leave it all in God’s hands. I have no other choice. But this morning when I woke up, a friend sent me such an amazing piece of God’s Word without evening knowing anything about what is going on in my life right now.

2 Chronicles 32v7&8:

Be strong and courageous.

Don’t be frightened or terrified by the king of Assyria or the crowd with him.

Someone greater is on our side.

The king of Assyria has human power on his side, but the Lord our God is on our side to help us and fight our battles.

What a great piece to read and promise to hold onto.  Sometimes situations can look so intimidating but we must not be confused by what we see with our eyes. We need to remember God is with us and will help us. That makes ALL the difference.

It is so true, because where I see uncertainty; God sees the bigger picture and He has everything in His hands. EJ, even said to me last night (when I was feeling doubtful that it had gone well), that “maybe it went better than you thought, because with how you had dressed up and how you were glowing and radiating joy and of God’s love, there’s no way that you didn’t knock him off his feet.”

So trust and have confidence in yourself and God, no matter how intimidating the situation may look. Get different perspectives if you can, and if they all stand in agreement, then maybe the situation isn’t half as bad or intimidating as you first might have thought. But remember to always go back to God and trust in His Spirit and how it moves within you.

So date or no date, I really enjoyed the company and will enjoy what happens next… No matter how uncertain the future looks and when ‘time will tell’….Because God has it all in His hands, I will choose to look towards the future and smile at it anyway….

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Categories: Pursuing Faith, Pursuing Hope, Pursuing Life, Pursuing Love | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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